A Gift Taken Back
I could not understand this experience:
Unexpectedly, I was given a gift which I gladly received. And I treasured it so much. I took care of it. I made sure it won't get destroyed nor broken nor scratched. For a long time I have enjoyed this gift. Then one day, this person who offered me that gift demanded it back. We argued. Tried holding on, grasping firmly on that gift. But the person insisted on taking it back. And I felt disturbed. He wants it back. Although I may have full "rights" of that gift, something tells me to let it go. How could I enjoy such a gift, if the giver refuses me to have it? After much haggling and bargaining, I returned the gift. It's so difficult to accept such a loss. I really want it back. I still tried compromising. I felt like a pauper begging. But still, the person refuses.
If only I could not have possessed that gift. If only that person should not have given me this object of discord in the first place, only to take it back afterwards. If only I would have refused it, be suspicious of it. And a lot more "if only..."
What's there left for me? To just simply accept?
What do this experience want to teach me?
What is the meaning of this?
I could not make sense of this experience.
Is it that I should not have gotten myself to be attached to that thing?
But, it was given to me. For all I know, it was mine. Now I find it so hard to let it go.
I still want it back. But I wont force anyone just to have it.
I'm still praying that he may generously give it back and consider offering it as a gift, freely given, fully offered. "No return, no exchange."
But this wish leads me farther from the fact that "I should let go."
It is so damned difficult.
Lord, just help me to free my head, my hands and my heart. +
Unexpectedly, I was given a gift which I gladly received. And I treasured it so much. I took care of it. I made sure it won't get destroyed nor broken nor scratched. For a long time I have enjoyed this gift. Then one day, this person who offered me that gift demanded it back. We argued. Tried holding on, grasping firmly on that gift. But the person insisted on taking it back. And I felt disturbed. He wants it back. Although I may have full "rights" of that gift, something tells me to let it go. How could I enjoy such a gift, if the giver refuses me to have it? After much haggling and bargaining, I returned the gift. It's so difficult to accept such a loss. I really want it back. I still tried compromising. I felt like a pauper begging. But still, the person refuses.
If only I could not have possessed that gift. If only that person should not have given me this object of discord in the first place, only to take it back afterwards. If only I would have refused it, be suspicious of it. And a lot more "if only..."
What's there left for me? To just simply accept?
What do this experience want to teach me?
What is the meaning of this?
I could not make sense of this experience.
Is it that I should not have gotten myself to be attached to that thing?
But, it was given to me. For all I know, it was mine. Now I find it so hard to let it go.
I still want it back. But I wont force anyone just to have it.
I'm still praying that he may generously give it back and consider offering it as a gift, freely given, fully offered. "No return, no exchange."
But this wish leads me farther from the fact that "I should let go."
It is so damned difficult.
Lord, just help me to free my head, my hands and my heart. +
