Chronicles of the Daily Grind

i lament....

2011-07-08T13:22:00.000+08:00

… the attacks against the alleged “PAJERO BISHOPS,” and the leading assassination of the Church as an institution… how the media selectively report partial truths to highlight negative impressions, to sow seeds of doubt and discord, to lead people to accuse.

… this unfair trial of media, feasting more on the recipients than the source of this mess, aggrandizing the 7 pajero bishops more than the 20 ambulance vice-governor and the like.

… the diabolical propaganda, the connivance and conspiracy to put down the credibility of the Church, for sponsoring “leading” polls against Her.

… the hasty generalization in branding the whole clergy as corrupt, accusing that every one of them is the same… to the neglect of those who have been and still are faithful, those who have worked so hard to help people, those who have offered themselves totally, those who struggled so much to be holy.

… those journalists, columnists, commentators and the reactive, who think they knew so much, who think they have seen the whole truth, who think they have judged rightly, who think they are saints, who even cursed and commented against the pope for his hands-off policy on the matter.

… those who were easily swayed, those planning to be inactive in the Church, planning to switch to other religions and denominations, those who have given up on their faith… just where is your faith anchored on?

… this cancer of politiking, this growing infection of blind involvement, and the stinging blows of indifference!

the least we could do is to be informed… let us not allow ourselves to be easily manipulated by the unfair lenses of media… let us be vigilant against the threats of our faith, the growing anti-clericalism, the vicious attacks against the Church. And above all, let us pray for deliverance against the workings of the evil one!

eulogy for lola

2010-09-19T00:21:00.000+08:00

lola passed away on september 15, 2010 on the feast of our lady of sorrows at the age of 89, the last of my ancestors.

i was tasked to give eulogy in honor of lola before my family, relatives and friends. delivered on the 17th of this month, this eulogy runs as follows:

I’ve always known Lola as a good cook. It’s one of the many things, I believe, she was good at. Sobrang tagal na po since the last time I’ve tasted the food she personally cooked. I miss so much her beef stew, kilayin, her Chinese adobo, and the perfect asim of her sinigang. She takes pride in cooking, because I know, she cooks for others. She likes feeding her loved ones.

And this, perhaps, is the core of my sharing tonight, how Lola, in all her life, fed us all.

Lola, in the literal sense, fed us. Madalas po, di naming gusto ang ulam, tatakbo kay Lola sa kabilang bahay at doon po kami kakain. Syempre po, tuwang tuwa sa Lola dahil gusto naming kumain sa kanya sabay kutya kay mommy (sorry, ma!) And so I noticed talagang dinadagdagan niya ang pagluto ng ulam.

Lola fed us, materially. Hindi na po kaila sa inyo na siya ang takbuhan namin pag may mga pangangailangan kami. Most of us judged Lola as stingy… madalas ko po siyang nakikitang nagbibilang pera, every night. Then the following day, she would scold us demanding that we should conserve water, electricity and long-distance telephone usage. Pero kahit po ganito. Never na nagdamot po si Lola. Personally, I am forever indebted of her generosity, how the many times she would give some money to add up in my baon, the thoughtfulness of bringing home pasalubong coming from Manila or from a distant place she’s been, how she has contributed a lot into paying some of my tuition fees in my schooling. I cannot forget the many times po na namalimos sya para lang po may pang-enroll ako. That I am forever grateful.

Lola even fed us, beyond materially. He fed us with values formation. He taught us the value of self-respect and how to be respectable before others. She would never hesitate to correct us. When you did something wrong expect a long and critical scolding or sermon. Mukhang ito po yata ang dahilan kung bakit gusto ko po magpari, para ako naman ang babawi sa kanya sa pag-se-sermon (joke lang po!) Alam na po ng lahat na si Lola, mahilig kumatak… katak nang katak… pag nagsimula nap o sya mantakin nyo po na mukhang hindi na sya matatapos. Madalas po nakakarindi po ang pagkakakatak nya, parang gusto niyong pasakan nang packaging tape yung bibig niya. Pero natiis po namin siya ang mga pagkatak niya. Nasanay na po kami sa kanya. At tanggap po namin na ganun siya. Kaya ngayong wala na si Lola, isa po ito sa mga mami-miss ko sa kanya.

Lola fed us spiritually. She is very instrumental in my faith formation. Madalas po niya akong isama sa house to house block rosary ng Our Lady of Fatima kahit alam po niya na ang pakay ko lang po dun ay kumain. I remember her involving us to the chapel activities every Sunday at San Sebastian. Naging part po ako ng choir at sacristan ako dun. Alam ko po na natutuwa po siya sa pag-serve ko sa diocese, sa cathedral, sa DYCC, sa mga kabataan ng Tarlac. Di ko po makakalimutan yun sinabi niya sa’kin one time, “mamako kang mamako, lagi kang atiu king cathedral, ot e nakamu kaya magpari?” (alis ka nang alis. Lagi ka na lang nasa cathedral. Bakit di ka nalang magpari?) Who would have thought that trivial statement would soon become a reality? Nung una ko pong pina-alam sa kanya na gusto ko pumasok ng seminaryo, nagtaka lang po ako na di niya matanggap nung una. Eventually, she came to accept that. I remember when they accompanied me in my first day at seminary, she cried. And she has been very supportive in my vocation ever since. Every time I went to see her, she kept on asking me, “kapilan ka ma-ordain? Akit da ka pa kaya ma-ordain?” (Kailan ka ma-o-ordain, makikita pa ba kita na ma-o-ordain?)

In all honesty, gusto ko pa po syang mabuhay at least on the day of my ordination. Gusto ko po sana na ako yung magbibigay ng last sacraments sa kanya. Gusto ko po sana ako yung magmimisa at magsesermon sa lamay at libing niya. But now, this is no longer the case.

For sure, she will witness my ordination in heaven. All the while I thought this is the best gift I could give her. Until her last moments… when I visited her at St. Lukes she gave her last habilin… surprisingly, in English. She never talks to me in English, but she gave her last words to me saying, “Rusty, be faithful when you become a priest. Be faithful to Christ.” Until her last moments she kept on teaching me. It’s the best learning I received from her… It is not my ordination that is the best gift for her. Rather, it is my faithfulness to my vocation.

Lola, I will forever treasure this thought. Until I die, my best gift for you is never accomplished, for my faithfulness extends until we see each other again in Heaven. Lola, thank you very, very, very, very, very much. I know and I believe you are resting with God in Heaven, and now we turn to you to pray for us, to intercede for us. As you and Lolo await us in Heaven to organize the grandest reunion of our family. There are no goodbye’s Lola, only “until we all meet again.” We love you, Lola.

thanking God for this amazing...

2010-06-30T18:15:00.002+08:00

what a day?

woke up cold and sleepy, but i gotta do what i do because i want to.
but when it comes to the day's itinerary in mind, i didn't mind.
i ended up doing what i've been meaning to do for a long time, to take my time.
twice i sought to acquire, and when i did, i never really had it.
and when i wanted to go, i got stuck, then led me to forego.
on my knees i struggled to feel, but how can that be if i am not open to unfill?

yet despite all these, i choose to let be,
to continue, and that God's hands I may see.
in the end, i end up thanking thee!

inspired by the poet, ee cummings,
his poem, that hits me, i didn't see coming!
thus, borrowing...

i thank you God for most this amazing
by E. E. Cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
wich is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

independence

2010-06-09T17:19:00.000+08:00

this is not in view of the upcoming holiday...
i'd just like to "pen" down my thoughts regarding this.

a drop of water may lose its identity as it joins the ocean, but never a man in society. he is born not for the development of society alone but for the development of himself (ambedkar).

the more independent a person is, the better he can influence others and his surroundings. he won't be lost in the society, but rather, he can transform it. society as the usual scapegoat, therefore, must never be blamed. overemphasis on our social nature often keeps us astray from ourselves. even Jesus taught us, "love your neighbor AS yourself" (mk 12:31). this is not just about measuring the love of others by the love of oneself. it is by knowing, growing in, and transforming ourselves that gives an effective connectedness to others. people who are more independent are more connected.

i may be a drop of water in the ocean, but a drop so distinct, and hopes to make a difference!

reconnecting...

2010-06-04T18:06:00.000+08:00

now that i have finished my two-years of active apostolic experience, i commit myself again for a regular (that is up to me ) engagement of introspection, observation, commentary, and loud-thinking in the blogosphere! boy, i missed this so much!

on failing and trying

2009-03-01T12:09:00.001+08:00

a thought i got from this sunday's reflection:

"i've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career, i've lost almost 300 games. twenty six times i've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. i've failed over and over and over in my life. and that's why i succeed!"

-- michael jordan

all we remember are his stats:

six-time nba champion (1991-1993, 1996-1998)
mvp (1988, 1991, 1992, 1996, 1998)
ten-time all nba first-team designation
ten scoring tiles, three steals titles
a finalist to be inducted in the basketball hall of fame
and many others...

yet, nobody remembers or cared about the number of times he failed, just what he achieved.

while people are driven by success, and employ the necessary means to get there, this drive would seem to blind us of the fact that we are not born perfect. and so comes the shattering feelings when failures and disappointments surface.

we are either consumed by it...
feeling wrecked and hopeless, viewing life as difficult, harsh and unfair.

or, we get up from it...
and see that mistakes and failures are means of improvement, stepping stones for success. michael jordan would surpass "himself" each day by constant practice, a.k.a. self discipline.

this example leads us to a particular attitude in this season of lent: self discipline.

we don't view the lenten season as a schedule of the Church, nor just a reminder of the paschal mystery. it is an opportunity for us to reflect, to look upon our weaknesses, our failures, our sinfulness, and develop in us that self-discipline; to overcome our failures in order to share into the success of Christ, His resurrection.

fully booked: more books to read

2009-02-19T19:28:00.001+08:00

while waiting last night for the last full show of valkyrie at powerplant mall, we decided to stop by fully booked. my passion for books flared once more especially as i engage and exchange conversations with two other book lovers: fr. gigi and fr. marty.

here are some of the books i've been wanting to read and eventually be a part of my collection:

The Power of Now

it's a spirituality self-help book aiming for: transformation of human consciousness, enlightenment or radical inner transformation -- less intellectual, more experiential.

The Starbucks Experience

author joseph michelli immersed himself at starbucks to study teh various levels on how the company succeeds and eventually coming up with the five principles for turning the ordinary into extraordinary. it sounds very salesian... "do you ordinary duties, extraordianrily well."

Egonomics

egonomics or self-management is a practical book that suggests a balancing of self-development and common good. it explores both the warning signs that ego is playing a negative role in planning and decision making as well as examples of ego playing a positive role at work.

they're really expensive books.
i hope somebody gives me any of these on my birthday.
just wishing anyway!

the art of war

2009-02-19T18:48:00.001+08:00

currently reading...

sun tzu's the art of war, edited and with a foreword by james clavell.

"If you know both yourself and your enemy,
you can come out of hundreds of battles without danger."
-- sun tzu

it's one of the oldest books in military strategy. yet beyond the pages of these chinese military tactics are gems of wisdom applicable to wherever you are -- designed for handling conflicts. one can actually wage a war without getting into the battle.

advices may be archaic, but its relevance will be based on one's personal experience. insights afterall are personal.

beyond measure

2009-02-11T16:44:00.000+08:00

our world revolves on numbers. how much we earn? how big is our waistline? psychologists study a person through tests and data: his IQ or EQ, his degree of neurosis, extraversion, tendencies for a borderline personality disorder. managers rely on quantitative facts as determined by the volumes of sales, the indices and graphs. architects and engineers value the precision of measurements, the strength of materials. chemists and nuclear physicists would die for a molecular component. athletes and sports enthusiasts gauge skill or level performances by game statistics.

we live in a world where measurement is the real thing, a value in itself. it generates standards. it proposes limits. it concretizes the abstract. to this effect, man becomes the object of measurement itself. amidts eternity there is time, amidst the vast expanse, there is a bounded space, amidst freedom there are rules. even in morality, there is measurement. its value cannot be denied.

but how far can man measure? scriptures warns us that "the measure with which we measure will be measured out to you" (mark 4:24). while we rely on these numbers and standards, while we value this scheme, there is something beyond in the human person worth affirming.

in man, as one puts it, there are two worlds: the world we can measure with line and rule, and the world that we feel with our hearts and imagination. this is the intricacy of the human person. but our consciousness points us to "this" one world. this is when and where we find ourselves in confusion, in fear, in inadequacy. we stand between two polarities: from numbers and rules to the farthest pole of the "unlimited." as a result, man sees within him this conflict. how could man reach the heights of the ideal when he is grounded from the real. realizing the gap, man starts to feel confused. he starts to tremble and feel fear within as he find himself inadequate of the visions of the ideal he is trying to reach from the reality he is grounded.

after the long struggle and deep reflections, man experiences enlightenment in his plight. a change of paradigm is discovered as the key.

it is not the situation, but the human person that matters most.

a certain marianne williamson unlocks this chest of gem -- a going out of the cave:

"our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. we ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? actually, who are you not to be? you are a child of God. your playing small doesn't serve the world. there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we are all meant to shine, as children do. we are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. it's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

are you going to finish strong?

2009-01-27T17:22:00.000+08:00

just sharing what i received through email...

nick vujicic has no arms or legs but has come to terms with his lot in life and he delivers an inspirational speech to these school kids that they will probably never forget.

mr. bean -- the best nativity story ever told

2008-12-17T17:40:00.001+08:00

this is so hilarious!

am so excited for christmas. really wish that i may go home to join my family this christmas eve. hoping. praying.

merry christmas, everyone!

somewhere i have never travelled

2008-12-13T17:08:00.001+08:00

edward estlin cumming's poetry fascinates me. to analyze his poem as they say is sacrilege; the depth of meaning, the profound use of imagery, the uniquely mysterious figurative language. yet somehow, somewhere along his words, you'll be captured by their meaning. his poems, especially this one, reveals feelings unconcealed.

i first encountered this poem when i was about six or seven years old. my dad used to play his favorite song "the first time i loved forever." it was there when i first heard the cumming poem. three stanzas of ee cumming's poem are spliced and spread throughout the soung; made the song, however, more appealing.

although this literary piece, as shared by many, is understood as a love poem, it however suggests a more transcendent slant for me. love, after all, is a transcendent reality.

somewhere i have never travelled (by ee cummings)

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands

twists in heroes

2008-12-09T18:23:00.001+08:00

heroes season 3 episodes reveals a big surprise!

imagine this: sylar becomes the good guy while peter petrelli embraces the dark side. how could a murderous, megalomaniac monster become a hero, while a compassionate, self-sacrificing lad turn out to be the enemy? with these twists and turns, the overlapping events from different timelines engage me to anticipate episode after episode of this series.

yet, the lessons are clear. no man is born evil. a person who is bad now is not determined to be bad forever, inasmuch as we cannot expect a good person to stay good always. we can't be too quick to judge.

i got fascinated with sylar's and peter's character development. what made sylar to be the villain is his tremendous hunger or urges to know more, to learn more and to have more power. to attain this, he easily gives in through a quick fix of murderous intent, slaying one superpower individual after learning and taking their abilities. eventually, this same insatiable hunger or urges is acquired by peter petrelli, and he now tread the same path sylar took. while sylar takes a huge amount of struggle to control these urges, peter petrelli allows this as a personal instinct.

our hunger or urges to know more, to learn more and to have more power exhibits our inclination to sin. it is this stuff that makes us evil.

soliciting for prayers

2008-12-01T10:52:00.000+08:00

while many discount the value and validity of prayers, i beg to differ. in this pragmatic and positivist world, i am a firm believer that prayers do wonders and miracles do happen.

i recently received an email from my best friend. as young as 28 years, he will be undergoing an open heart surgery -- an aortic valve replacement this thursday. for a long time we have spent time together, it has come to my knowledge that he was born with a punctured heart, got hospitalized and almost operated when he was so young, but by the stroke of miracle and God's grace, he recovered. yet, eventually, it developed into a heart enlargement. he had to be operated as soon as possible before it's too late.

inasmuch as i am not in a position to help him financially, i could only help through my prayers. and so i ask and beg you to join me in my prayers, for a successful operation and speedy recovery of my brother.

the letter he sent me, i fear, seem to appear like a goodbye and thank you letter... in faith, i pray, that won't be so:

everynight i always read books to my kids or tell them stories before we go to

sleep. they love the stories of 3 lil pigs, lil match girl or cinderella. They

also like the stories i create on my own that always starts with.."isang araw

may bata...". sometimes this stories comes out with two characters,white angels

and black angels. my kids know that whenever they do something good it

strengthens their white angels and vice versa happens if they do something

bad.they dont want their black angels to grow bigger than them so they will

behave for quite a while. everynight they pray that their white angels will

watch over them.sometimes whenever they're scared to sleep on their own i tell

them that me and their mom is their visible white angels who watches them as

they sleep at night. they have lots of questions bout their black and white

angels. how big is their wings? do they have swords? etc... this is our nightly

routine.
then sometime this august-ocotber im having a hard time talking and my heart

beat is really weird. if the hearts regular rythm goes "lub-dub", mine goes

with the rythm of britney spears "hit me baby one more time"song. this prevents

me from doing our nightly routines for sometime. fortunately mhy got our

fortune cards...this allowed me to have myself checked up and covered one of

the most costly diagnostic test which is the 2D echocardiogram with color

doppler...cost here in tarlac is 3700. fortunecare took care of it so i didnt

pay for anything. then the result came out telling me that my heart is so huge

and that my aorta needs replacement or else my heart will soon stop beating if

i just let it continue dance with britney's song.
the doctor told me and mhy that it will cost me 700k to have this procedure,

aortic valve replacement(AVR). and that its a risky procedure because its open

heart surgery. whats worse is that i need to have it asap because i only have 2

to 3 years. we got scared...we were refered to phil. heart ctr to have a second

look at the case and same conclusions but shorter life span...from 2 years to

"anytime soon". and we checked the cost of their cheapest AVR

package...478,000. they have charity rates though but we need to wait for

months to have myself screened by doctors, be categorized to which bracket we

belong (like STFAP of UP) then we will be included to the long lines of

patients who need heart surgery. at that time i cant hardly talk and walk

because my hands and feet are getting numb. i sometimes feel that im going to

faint. i just keep it to myslef, kasi mhy is more manerbyos than me

sometimes.hehe i told mhy that we cannot afford the 470k surgery.i feel that

i'll die before this year ends and its impossible for us to raise 470k. i am

hopeless but she pushed me to have faith.
i tried to look for foundations or orgs here and abroad to help me get the

surgery for free. i received responses from foundations in US, Ireland,

Australia, Jamaica and others telling me the same thing..that they cant do the

surgery because its not a new procedure anymore and that its being done here in

the phil..And we have lots of pinoy doctors who are experts on this field

already.
this news plus the physical pain im experiencing and the emotional pain that i

cannot do the usual things i do like playing with the kids, reading etc and the

fact that you'll soon leave your family devastated me.mhy pushes me to pray

hard but its hard to concentrate if you have lotsof things going around your

mind.
i will miss my kids. i love them so much. its really hard to pretend to people

that you're strong and that for you its ok when deep nside you you feel the

weakness running through your veins.our nightly routine of story telling became

a struggle for me. it pains me when they want me to read 3 lil pigs. when they

want to know how their angels are. who is bigger white or black. the kids even

told me that when i die they will bring me water and candles everyday. my

daughter even asked me what color of cemetery i want...blue or green...she said

green na lang.miggy will scold alex and tell her wag mo nga sabihin yan and he

looks very sad. i cant hide it from miggy anymore. he knows whats happening.i

sometimes think that he feels what i feel.i dont know if he can see me cry at

night. its very depressing and it hurts a lot. my mom my white angel is not

here with me. she wants to but i asked her htat it will be good for the family

if she will stay with my sister and watch over her daughters.
with lil faith and deteriorating health,i tried once more to hope. mhys brother

told us to check out PGH. we went through another chsapter until we end up with

an amount that we need to raise to have the operation scheduled. At first its

150,000(doctors estimate) 221,103 (PGH quotation). i informed my bros and

sis...they all filed for loans and asked help from their friends. i tried to

seek help from some of my friends too thru texting since im having a hard time

talking. i texted ate myra, aris, ate juds and ate ghie. mmhy texted nei. after

a few hours i received a call from a friend in bacolod then a text from bohol

and friends in manila. classmates from high school texted, emailed and called

as well. after a few days,im getting calls from australia, email and text from

thailand and God knows where else. My sisters and brothers efforts came out

with almost 100k...SCAP called me and gave me something which helped me

realized that i dont need to wallow with my depression.made me realize that the

angel stories i tell my kids about is not just stories, it can happen for real.

the org i served, loved and treated as family helped fired up the small hope i

didnt know i still have inside. i was able to reach 150k from help coming from

my friends and family. then PGH told me that the surgeons looked at my lab

results and they said that i also need to have my mitral valve repair. and

almost peed on my pants when the doctor told me that i needed to raise 270k to

have my heart fixed.i felt that the wait of "2 years" to "anytime soon"is NOW.i

palpitated.even if im taking medicines with dosages of people aged 50 to 60 it

didnt take its effect at that moment.i go around the house walking and worrying

where to get another 120k plus. (mhy is at my back following me telling me to

relax stay calm etc.)
then my bros and sisters friends,some relatives and family friends contributed

to my fund raising efforts. others gave us interest free payable when able

utangs...one deep breathe and miracle is happening again.
today,december 1, me and mhy will go to PGH again so i can be admitted and

hopefully get the surgery i need by thursday or friday.
after all the hassles and depressing moments finally i will have the surgery.

this is not just for me but for my kids that i just cant leave behind.
i realized that there are situations that makes us weaker...depressed and

down.we easily lose hope when we ask for things and He cant give it to us at

that very moment. this weakness when you let it sink deeply to yourself will

make you blind with the life that still goes on around you. it prevents you to

see hope from the visit of friends at your house, to smile when two of your

closest friends compete to get the attention of your kids by bringing ice

creams...to let the messages from friends calm you down...to see miracles

happening in front of you.
Mhy said before we slept last night that what happened to us is a miracle. we

thought we cant raise the amount but we were able to almost reach it. we

thought we cannot get a schedule this year because of the long lines at PGh but

we have it now.
I will not have this surgery without my family, my friends, my SCA...my white

angels. the angel story i tell my kids about happened to me. i saw my white

angels appeared to me. they visited me here at home...they texted me...they

sent me financial help..they gave me hope.
im scared to have my chest cut into two...im scared of what will happen to me

this week...im scared to feel the pain after i wake up from surgery...but with

the love and support from my white angels and my kids im sure i can get over

this...I prayed yesterday in Manaoag,i offered myself to Him. I told Him that

whatever his plan for me is i will accept it wholeheartedly.i somehow prepared

myslef in case He wants me to do something else for him.
I just want to ask one more thing from you guys...Please be my wife and my kids

white angels...give them the strength you gave me. Show them the love you

showed me. give them ice cream to calm them down.im sure theyre scared too...im

sure theyre worried like me...they just pretend that its ok but i know theyre

worried.
this week we will see another miracle to unfold...and before that let me thank

you for the kindness, love and friendship.i will be your white angel too...and

thank you for giving me the opportunity to have the surgery...in the next

months i can read 3 lil pigs, cinderella and lil match girl to my kids

again.thank you for letting me tell the story of white and black angels to my

kids again...soon...

thank you.

8 become 1

2008-10-22T13:19:00.002+08:00

another remix by norwegian recycling...

this mashup contains the following:

1. Black Eyed Peas - Where Is The Love
2. Savage Garden - Crash And Burn
3. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
4. James Blunt - You’re Beautiful
5. Atomic Kitten - It’s Ok!
6. U2 - With Or Without You
7. Billie The Vision & The Dancers - Summercat
8. Remy Zero - Fair

how six songs collide

2008-10-22T13:11:00.001+08:00

this is great stuff!

i'm yours -- jason mraz

collide -- howie day

superman -- five for fighting

always getting over you -- angela ammons

all that i need -- boyzone

here without you -- doors down

a brilliant remix of norwegian recycling...

kudos!

quoting...

2008-10-21T20:31:00.000+08:00

"It's foolishness not to act,
when we see that a storm is coming.

startling!
quoting an editorial piece of political matters, i let my thoughts wander to a relevant local current experience. it's a pity how those regarded as trusted custodian ended up as thieves.
is it not ringing in our eardrums? wringing our earlobes?
it has been said...
... practice what you preach
... walk your talk
... act on your word
the scene of our political environment, if we look very closely, reflects a reality within our reach. it conceals a microcosmic setback that is too big to contain. a white elephant hidden under a rug of the living room. so obvious, yet the owner barely notices.

there is a two-fold treatment for this: although this article may literally tackle the phenomenal societal problem, it conceals however, a particular truth in our own setting.

emailed to me by a friend...

since this concerns our hard earned money (in the form of taxes), we strongly agree with today's editorial in Inquirer.net as well as senator mar roxas' views on the subject. let's pass and relay to our representatives. we like leaders who care for our money!

Philippine Daily Inquirer Editorial
First Posted 23:32:00 10/19/2008

MANILA, Philippines - Especially in the last couple of years, Sen. Mar Roxas has become an extra-articulate exponent of populist economics. His ultimately untenable position on the suspension of the value-added tax at the height of the food and fuel emergencies, for example, surprised those who know his investment banking and management background. We have, in fact, quarreled with some of his policy proposals, but on his latest campaign we can only agree vigorously.

Because of the global financial crisis, the Arroyo administration must review the assumptions behind its proposed 2009 budget—and thus the budget itself. "It's foolishness not to act when we see that a storm is coming. We already said we will soon encounter problems, yet the Palace still says things are all right and won't do a thing. It's time to make hard decisions," he said in Filipino last week.

"We see the economy weakening, but the government's lukewarm to our call for the budget's revamp. It should realize that its actions are not enough to protect the people and their jobs."

The government's budgeting process began in earnest last May, with the formal National Budget Memorandum outlining the "policy guidelines and procedures [to be used] in the preparation of the [Fiscal Year] 2009 budget proposals."

Because assumptions shape the final budget, the budget department circulates these at the start of the annual budgeting process. The problem is, this year's set of assumptions were computed before the global financial markets began its meltdown last month.

Item. The original version of the 2009 budget assumes the country's gross domestic product will grow by 6.0 to 6.7 percent in 2008 and an even more impressive 6.5 to 7.3 percent in 2009. The global financial crisis, however, renders these assumptions computed as early as April or May this year overly optimistic.

True, GDP growth last year was a robust 7.3 percent, but it would be folly to assume that growth this year and next will continue at roughly the same pace. The budget working its way through the legislative mill still assumes that the economy will grow by 6.1 to 7.1 percent next year. Contrast this projection with that made by the Asian Development Bank, which recently cut its Philippine GDP forecast for 2009 from 6.2 percent to 4.7 percent.

Item. The original version of the 2009 budget assumes the inflation rate next year will hover somewhere between 2.5 and 4.5 percent. Last August, Economic Planning Secretary Ralph Recto said inflation would slow to 6 to 8 percent in 2009, from about 7 to 9 percent this year. But various price shocks, including food and fuel, drove inflation last July to 12 percent. It would only be prudent to assume, for budgeting purposes, a double-digit inflation rate next year. The ADB revised its inflation estimate to 10.5 percent for 2008. (Making this assumption, we must note, is emphatically not the same as determining the central bank's own inflation target.)

Item. The original version of the 2009 budget assumes that the peso-dollar rate this year and next will stay in the P40 to P43 range. This has since been revised to P42 to P45 per dollar. But the current exchange rate is better than P47, and since the turmoil in world financial markets is expected to continue for at least a few years, it may only be prudent to assume a higher exchange rate.

If the economy will grow slower than expected, then we should expect tax revenues to slow down too, even perhaps to stay flat. The biggest bulk of tax revenues comes from individual and corporate incomes; if the global financial crisis bites the real economy hard, as it is expected to do, such incomes will go down. Another major source of tax revenues are the value-added and excise taxes; slower consumption would mean a lesser tax intake.

The point is, the 2009 budget as currently proposed assumes economic conditions that no longer exists; like the rest of the world, the Philippines will find itself in more perilous economic circumstances because of the financial crisis. The least we can do is pass a budget that reflects the new realities.

asuma dies!

2008-10-05T19:01:00.001+08:00

my fascination (aka addiction) for this anime began four years ago. after watching the first episode, i found myself craving for one episode to the next. more than the powers and the battle feats, i find this anime replete with deep philosophical insights and psychological understanding of the human person. it brings to light our capacity to change, to surpass our limitations, and to see the goodness in each person.

now on its shippuuden ongoing sequel, i admit i am one of those fanatics who would wait for the latest episodes via cyberspace.

my apologies for the spoiler, but i had to share that asuma sarutobi, son of the third holage, mentor of shikamaru, choji and ino, dies in episodes 78-79.

embedded video is in courtesy of myspacetv.com through tailedfox.com.

mystery in history

2008-10-02T08:18:00.000+08:00

this is interesting...

although i have already read this somewhere...

i got this as a forwarded email from fr. rector...

this is definitely mind boggling/ blowing.......

History Mystery

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy huh? This is one history lesson most people probably will not mind reading!

insightful...

2008-09-27T17:31:00.000+08:00

i received this as a "just couldn't resist" forwarded message from fr. chito. it's a bit long, though, yet bursting with insights. if you have the patience and the likings on reading, this could be a material worth pondering to live by.

Life's perspective from a 'down-to-earth' view.

Adrian Tan is a litigation lawyer at one of Singapore's leading law firms. Outside the courtroom, he is known for a variety of funny things, including The Teenage Textbook, which he wrote in the late 1980s. The book became a cult classic among students of that generation and was adapted into a film 10 years later.

Adrian was the guest-of-honour at an NTU convocation ceremony last week, and this is Adrian's speech to the graduating class of 2008:

Life and How to Survive It

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you've already won her heart, you don't need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You're done learning.

You've probably been told the big lie that 'Learning is a lifelong process' and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters' degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don't you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they're wrong.

The bad news is that you don't need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their life expectancy.

I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term 'Karoshi', which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are 'making a living'. No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan 'Arbeit macht frei' was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don't, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn't say 'be loved'. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth, the worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's no life expectancy.

booked!

2008-09-16T18:26:00.001+08:00

six months in the apostolate...

it seems that i have drained, used up and depleted almost all of my intellectual and pastoral formation stocked up for the past six years in the seminary.

in this active ministry, the water from the pail drains quickly.

constant updating is necessary.

after abandoning my passion for reading, i have once again returned as a prodigal son to the father.

my passion for reading did not really waned, it was just superseded by another passion and zeal: to be with the young.

i have been so blessed to have a rector who shares the same passion for books. his support and encouragement gave way to another experience of swimming through the tons of books in this year's bookfair at mall of asia.

through the generosity of our fr. rector, i indulged myself providing me with these:

Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado

A Love Worth Giving by Max Lucado

The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey

Reel Spirituality: Theology and Film in Dialogue by Robert K. Johnston

Games compiled by Mary Hohenstein

More Games by Mary Hohenstein

for obvious reasons, i would find myself into inspirational and pastoral readings.

"In the highest civilization,

the book is still the highest delight.

He who has once known its satisfaction

is provided with a resource against calamity."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

pause...

2008-08-10T17:09:00.001+08:00

i received through my email "a" picture where we'll be holding our first quarterly recollection this 23rd and 24th of August:

they say it's in calatagan...

i really took a lot of time viewing and analyzing the picture.
will we be staying in this boat?
or one of the houses far off shore?
or is this photo an good entry for photojournalism?

it's a beautiful picture, though.
although it didn't give me a clearer picture of what and where exactly will we be spending our overnight recollection.
though, i am thrilled to look for this same boat...
and capture it in full color.

but then, i am even more excited for the opportunity of our community to rest, "recharge," reflect and recreate after having been immersed in a "deluge" (quoted from our rector) of activities for the first quarter.

if we pause to think, we'll have cause to thank...

"there comes a pause...
for human strength will not endure
to dance without cessation;
and everyone must reach the point
at length of absolute prostration."

-- Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland)

something i envy with garfield...

2008-07-27T19:29:00.000+08:00

maligayang kakulitan!

2008-07-27T19:08:00.000+08:00

masaya ako ngayon... sobra.
wala namang mabigat na dahilan.
nag-enjoy lang ako sa araw na'to...

... kakulitan ang mga estudyante nung parents' orientation
... kakulitan ang mga kabataan ng dbyc
... kakulitan ang mga leaders ng dbyc habang kami'y nagpla-planning.
... kakulitan si lonx habang namamasayal sa mall at nagko-coffee sa isang coffee shop dyan sa tabi-tabi.
... kakulitan ang mga confreres during meal time at recreation kahit alam namin na merong napipikon, hehe.
... kakulitan ang kapatid ko na bumisita sa'kin kanina.
... kakulitan si marnel na pumunta dito para manghinge ng teaching materials.
... kakulitan si jake sa text dahil wala siyang magawa sa makati medical hospital habang nagbabantay sa kanyang minamahal na rector.
... kakulitan ang iba pang mga ka-text (bakit ba kasi ngayon pa silang nagsabay-sabay magsipag-text?).
... at syempre, kakulitan din ang diyos na kahit andami-dami kong ginagawa, di pa rin siya nagsasawang mangulit nang mangulit para makipagkulitan din ako sa kanya.

kanina, nakipagkulitan na naman siya uli sa'kin.

sa misa kanina, kinukulit n'ya ko na tanggapin ko yung inaalok n'yang yaman sa'kin. isipin mo, s'ya pa yung kusang nagbibigay ng yaman, at nangungulit pa para tanggapin ko 'to!

wala nang kukulit pa sa diyos... talung-talo pa ang mga pinagsama-samang estudyante kong makukulit.

yun nga lang, ang pangungulit n'ya hindi nakakabanas katulad ng kakulitan ng mga estudyante ko sa klase. dahil yung pangungulit n'ya, nagbibigay ng peace at kaluwagan sa dibdib.

kaya masaya ako... ang dami-dami kasing kakulitan sa araw na'to.

happy birthday, bro. eson, sdb!

2008-07-22T06:08:00.000+08:00

a back to back birthday celebration...
i remember in our postnovitiate formation years, for two consecutive days, we have ice cream... my delight and craving.

three things i associate with bro. eson...

1. coffee prince... he's a die hard fan eun chan!
2. the swing at the postnovitiate gazebo... boy, i miss our hangout place.
3. his daily ritual of exercise and body building matched with over-eating after... haha... no wonder there's no effect.

he's one of my trusted friends, he rarely loses his temper as evidenced by his killer smile. he is regarded as mr. cool and relax, a somewhat opposite of my personality.

a great listener... an encourager... a support.
indeed, you are God's gift and blessing to my life!

happy birthday, bro!
persevere in God's love!
God Bless+

happy birthday, bro. rj, sdb!

2008-07-21T07:01:00.001+08:00

3 images i associate with this guy...

1. in a prayerful stance... i recall the many times i find him kneeling before the blessed sacrament every early morning.

2. in an athletic pace... his "never say die" attitude when playing either basketball or football.

3. with a cheerful countenance... who would forget his resounding "turkey" laughter matched with his wide grin during hilarious moments.

more than these, it's his person i appreciate most. our differences and disagreements all the more fortified our friendship.

happy birthday, bro!
burn on (not out) and persevere!
God Bless!

keep your eye upon the doughnut!

2008-07-15T19:29:00.000+08:00

'Twixt optimist and pessimist
The difference is droll;
The optimist sees the doughnut,
The pessimist, the hole.

this rhyme leads me back to my postnovitiate formation years, especially as i widen my understanding on the concept of evil. now, it's my turn to pay it forward to my student-charges. our discussion on evil highlights its very nature as the absence of good. more often, we notice evil as a seeming entity when in fact it does not exist. the doughnut analogy perfectly fits the illustration.

yet, after discussing all these, it led me to a very profound life-application:

nobody is born evil or bad.

this topic challenges us to see, to discover and to bring out the goodness in every person. it corrects us to see the beauty beyond the stain, the doughnut instead of the hole.

rising from our stumbled and twisted viewpoint of the terrible things around us, we rather find grand scheme of things in order, in harmony, in beauty.

"As you ramble through Life, Brother,
Whatever be your goal.
Keep your eye upon the doughnut,
And not upon the hole."

you are loved (don't give up!)

2008-07-13T18:01:00.000+08:00

this song keeps playing on my head...
it was last played this morning during the remaining hours of the retreat of the 4-Kowalski.

for us undergoing struggles and difficulties, this song truly boosts us up to persevere life for the simple reason that we matter... and more importantly that we are loved!

"You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)"
Josh Groban

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I...I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I...I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

take up your cross...

2008-06-11T17:58:00.001+08:00

nobody is hopeless!

2008-06-09T14:14:00.000+08:00

i should have posted this yesterday.
this is my reflection for yesterday's gospel.

we tend to label people as if they are that forever. for most of us, we tend to be dead sure that we really know our 'friend.' we could somehow predict his reactions. we're almost sure in saying that we have totally figured him or her out.

"he's really like that."
"no doubt about it, she's the one."
"this person has never learned."
"you haven't changed at all."

the sad thing is that when we hear these kind of statements, we tend to prove them true. "we become what others say we are."

"they say i am lazy. but no matter how i try to be diligent, they always find me lazy. then, why be diligent at all?"

"why change when everyone seem to think that i could not?"

just because we have known a partial truth about people, we tend to box them. psychology tends to gravitate in this. sadly, with the advantage of knowing others, we then tend to contribute to their rot.

and for the victims, they resolved to remain as victims. they allowed themselves to be caught in this trap of non-progress. such are when people like to keep the status quo.

this sunday's gospel beautifully reminds me that this isn't so. nobody is hopeless. nobody is worthless. the calling of matthew is a proof that we can rise above our weaknesses. how consoling it is to have jesus see through our shortcomings and sinfulness. matthew who was once regarded as traitor and corrupt became the lord's follower, an evangelist, a martyr, a saint.

but it took the initiative, the courage and the compassion of jesus for this to happen, regardless of what others may say -- that he gets to be associated with these sinners. he went beyond the sinfulness of matthew and saw and drew out in him the best he could be .

this gospel is a shining example for all of us.

may we see the goodness in each of the person we meet.

just like jesus, may we bring out the best in people.

from friend to foe

2008-06-04T08:16:00.000+08:00

... it is a reality that is, perhaps, difficult to accept.

this theme came so strongly as i have been watching the smallville series. the development of the relationship of clark kent and lex luthor is that which i would carefully note.

how would friendship viewed more than blood-brother kin turn into a mutual enmity?

clearly, trust and acceptance would surface as core issues.

yet, one thing that impresses me while watching the series is how, despite my prejudiced and foreknowledge of lex's destiny as the archrival of superman, clark kent managed to see and bring out lex luthor's good side.

with secrets and mistrust on the way, things eventually fall apart.

they say, "the closer you get to a person, the farther you get kicked away."
bestfriends may yet to become the worst enemies, if we are to allow it.
let's hope and let's not make that happen to ours.

i've received recently an email from a friend remembering that it's friendship week.
happy friendship week to all!

"eternal moments"

2008-05-25T08:16:00.000+08:00

solemnity of the body and blood of christ
a personal reflection

"i am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever."
(john 6:51)

eternity.

for reasons i haven't really grasped, the thought of it leads me back to recall the "moments" i wanted to last forever. the instances when i wanted to keep the time from ticking, the experiences i wanted to prolong as much as possible, to keep them going and going and going. these experiences were truly worth treasuring, for this reason we don't want them to change; we find them hard to let go.

it is perhaps the same feeling jesus is offering as he promised us this eternal life whoever eats his flesh, the living bread.

the solemnity of the corpus christi highlights the "real presence" of jesus in the eucharist. it is not a bread, not a symbol, but christ himself in person. an unfathomable mystery. it simply tells us one thing: "he is here, personally." he wanted to be with us forever. this is a mark of a loving relationship, that "presence" and "availability" for both parties are vital.

when we receive him in the holy eucharist, we become in union with him. this perhaps is the reason why the act is called the holy communion. we become united in god, the source of all life. through the eucharist we renew the union, we receive more eternity. when we receive christ, time become an "eternal moment."

if we would truly take into heart this thought, this fact, this real experience; if we really believe that we receive christ in holy communion, and that we truly long for this; we wanted this moment to last forever.

camp journaling

2008-05-23T13:01:00.000+08:00

activity: savio parish youth camp 2008
date: may 20-23, 2008
venue: ilocos sur (tagudin and vigan)

"to be with the young is a joy to the heart."
this would perhaps encapsulate my experience of the recently held camp.
it wasn't easy to assist a hundred youngsters, so energetic and vibrant, wanting to fully express themselves, trying out possibilities, venturing the unknown, probing their curiosity, venturing beyond the limits.
i never thought i could exceed their energies.
one thing i admire in this is that the young themselves organized everything.
we were simply tasked to guide, assist and give the formation slated for the camp.
there were loopholes, of course, but it would be for their benefit, for their growth experience.
8 salesians accompanied these campers.
it's pleasing to see salesians being with the young, eating the same food the young themselves prepared.
in truth, we were all so hungry. food supply is not enough. meals are never on time.
yet despite of these, the zeal and the joy of the young cover all these discomforts. we were all suffering together parched while waiting for the bought water to arrive. we distracted ourselves laughing our hearts out. this has got to be the joy and optimism don bosco was talking about, that despite the discomforts, we have every reason to be happy and thankful for, like the company of each one.
my experience in this camp validates my vocation as a salesian.
while materialism and consumerism take us far away from this salasian spirituality of joy and optimism, i am happy to realize the greater importance and weight of relationships than any other physical comforts the world could offer.
it's worth all the fatigue.

Model of Relationships

2008-05-18T12:41:00.000+08:00

This Sunday's Gospel reflects the Blessed Trinity. The summary of our faith, yet the most mysterious of all. Philosophers and theologians crack their brains out trying to explain and shed light to us the mystery behind our belief. Yet, there is only one explanation that convinces me. That is, the Blessed Trinity is an image of loving relationships.

"For God loved the world so much that He gave his Only Begotten Son so that anyone who believes in Him may not perish but may have eternal life." (John 3:16)

God is LOVE. This overflowing of love manifests even in Himself the core: loving relationship. the Blessed Trinity proves to be this model of loving relationships. The love of God is so much that He has generously shared this love to us. That is why from eternity, God created us. Not only the Father, but with the Son and the Spirit.

God's essence of love is loving relationships. His offering of His Son is an act of God on how He would want to always restore our loving relationship with which was broken by our sins.

God's love SAVES us.

God loves us. And we don't just know this. We feel this. And such a feeling is so overwhelming that our response is but to love Him in our own free choice and personal way. God's love is self-diffusive.

For this reason, i haven't lost hope in our world marred by conflicts and division. God's love spreads like brushfire in our hearts. We just have to realize and feel this as we effect our loving relationships with one another.

killed by a syringe!

2008-05-17T18:18:00.003+08:00

speaking of dreams...

we were heading back home from a day's visit at ilocos sur in preparation for the camping of the dbyc. we were all tired and uncomfortable due to the long trip. despite all these, i had to steal some sleep so that i may recharge a bit for the following day's jp2 conference.

even our driver admitted that he's sleepy. so we stopped by the side of the road near a gasoline station. we all dozed off. when i opened my eyes, i saw a man coming towards us. i was seated at the left side behind our driver near the window of our vehicle. he rushed towards my window. i could not explain how he was able to slide the window. on his hand, he grasped firmly a huge syringe. he motioned his whole arm as he stabbed me in my chest with that syringe of a yellowish-fluid content.

i woke up motioning a defensive stance of preventing the stab. all my other companions were asleep.

such a strange dream!

why would i dream of somebody who is about to kill me with a syringe? is he after killing me or drugging me? where did i get these images, these phantasms in my head? why syringe? why not a knife or a gun? and to top all these...

what does it mean?

this is another piece of my bank of weird dreams.

snapping out!

2008-05-17T17:25:00.001+08:00

how strange to be

pondering...
wondering..
daydreaming...
wishing...
hoping..
craving...
aspiring...
desiring...

...one thing.

only to realize that you really don't want it.
when you
had it...
got it...
used it..
consumed it...

... and you never really did enjoy.

and to say:
is this what have i waited for?

o happy fault!
now i know where to focus all my energies with.

is man really thus insatiable?
i believe not.
he just hasn't find that which one could.

from a long time of state of sleep,
despite the obvious,
it only took me now to recognize
that all these were but a dream.
time to wake up...
now!

forever

2008-05-01T18:39:00.001+08:00

today highlights the perpetual profession of 15 salesians.
to commit oneself in perpetuity is no joke.
it even goes against the modern pluralist trend where people are confronted with so many options in life. consumerism and materialism allure us to pick out the best, to choose what leads, which paradoxically confronts us to the truth that we could not really make a choice.
for this reason, people nowadays find it difficult to commit.
we all want everything to ourselves.
and so why commit?
why choose one when there are many?

commitment is love.
love goes against that mentality of taking everything for ourselves.
love gives up the self for one thing.
when we commit, we lose ourselves, we lose the full control of ourselves.
we do it because we value its importance.
simply, we love.
we commit and we love.
we love and we commit.
love and commitment are options taken interchangeably.

i pray that i may never lose this love.
i pray that on that day when i would offer myself fully,
when i am about to commit myself in perpetuity,
i'd be loving God more deeply as it would ever grow each day.
yet, for sure, His love never lessens.
i pray that i may love the Lord as He deserves.

Sal Terrae XII Group Yells

2008-05-01T07:05:00.002+08:00

This year's theme: AIRBORNE in connection with our theme Ascende Superius, 53 campers were divided into 8 groups assuming these images of FLIGHT. I would surely miss those creative yells:

Hukbong Maya... Lilipadlipad!

Naglalagablab, naglalagablab... Arcane Phoenix!

Warriors of the Lord, Angel!

Jollybhe! Jollybhe! Yeah!

1... 2... 3... Eagle's Fayth!

Fly, Fly, Fly... the Firefly!

Teen Titans... Hey!

Dragons... Roar!

Sino nga ba ang nanalo sa yell? nakalimutan ko na...
please fill me in.

Back from Sal Terrae 12 Summer Camp

2008-04-30T06:02:00.001+08:00

Date: April 20-29, 2008
Venue: Negros Island (Victorias City, Bacolod City, Granada, Kabankalan City, Hinobaan)

a very successful and heartwarming camp.
as a facilitator, it's energy draining, enervating, tiring...
yet the enthusiasm of the students is recharging,
especially when they are enjoying and responding well to the formative activities we have set for them.

from the week-long preparation to until the duration of the camp, i've been sleeping at an average of 4 hours a day. no wonder as soon as i was back home, i slept straight almost the whole day without taking lunch.

the affair is advantageous for me as a practical trainee to get to know some of my charges, the student leaders. i have come to know a little bit deeper each of them. it's amusing to listen to their stories. we have mixed and grouped these students so that they get to encounter other students from different levels (grade school, high school, graduate, college). it's amazing how they easily bond together and get to accept each other.

listening to their stories, i get to resonate with them. their point of connection to sharing their experiences as students revolves into one favorite refrain: "their teachers." indeed, whether good or bad, teachers will definitely leave a lasting impression to their students.i remember myself doing the same.

this camp has given me a preview of what to expect and not to expect this school year. a relevant question to ask myself is: what could i do this year to make a positive difference in the lives of my charges.

of course, there were many lessons which i personally learned. each moment captures one formative lesson that is worth reflecting. yet, more than reflecting, what is important is to enjoy the moment.

as one of my first activities as a practical trainee, i saw myself being stretched. i saw my tendency to be overcome by work and tasks and the irrational need to complete them. but then, i have found value in relaxing a bit despite the demands and pressures. health is of primary importance when it comes to the mission.

if i were to sum up the days i just had, it is but an "encounter to enjoy."

things i never thought of doing...

2008-04-17T17:05:00.001+08:00

after five days as a practical trainee,
i can't imagine myself doing the following:

1.) giving goodnight talks to dbyc, boarders and salesians
2.) playing organized basketball game with the employees
3.) conducting and teaching the four-voice choral piece, "you'll never walk alone"
4.) eating fishballs and kikiam while being watched by the dbyc young people who are engaged in prayer.
5.) learning "crazy" unfreezer activities from ma'am reggie and sir gary.
6.) committing to memory 20 names of young people in a day.
7.) spending my monthly petty cash in just six hours.
8.) meeting someone without knowing that she is the principal
9.) bro paul and i are talking about someone without realizing that the person is just two steps away from us (bro. paul blushed)
10.) practicing in playing the guitar to animate the mass

many surprises are still ahead. indeed, there are still many lands too explore. there is still one big self to know and to stretch. there is still more in this life to discover.

first weekend as fresh practical trainee

2008-04-13T19:10:00.001+08:00

now open: a new chapter!

SATURDAY:
i left db postnovitiate at 9:30 am. i never thought that fetching is that sooner. i rushed packing my things. we arrived at db mandaluyong at 11:00 am. i was warmly welcomed by the community. yet, immediately after lunch, Bro. Abe and I rushed for DB Makati to at least watch the DBAA one-day league. i met familiar faces from db tarlac, former teachers and friends. at 6 pm, we head back home. after vespers and supper, the community as a sign of welcome, celebrated my arrival with the film viewing of vantage point (which i already watched) coupled with pizza hut supreme and sausages. i stayed late until 12:00 am unpacking my things.

SUNDAY:
i woke up at 6:30 am, had personal lauds and meditation. today's the birthday of fr. demet, our vicar. i attended and assisted the mass at 8:30 am at savio parish. i was introduced to the people as the new brother assistant. after the mass, we headed back to the school to meet the youth of dbyc for their catechism. at lunch time, we celebrated the birthday of fr. demet. food is great and abounding. before taking lunch i stepped the scale to watch my weight. it's marked 62 kilos. we'll see if i would gain or lose weight. the food here is great. i'm afraid i might achieve the former (gaining weight). i couldn't sleep for afternoon siesta. i just finished unpacking and organizing my things in my room. at 4:00 pm i went down and assisted the dbyc. i met a lot of young poeple, i've been knowing their names here and there, trying to commit them in my memory. they are such nice people. at 5:45 pm, i gave the closing talk (aka goodnight talk) of the dbyc. i met bro joji and marnel who'll be attending the 6 pm mass. after supper and rosary, fr. demet gave his goodnight sharing his reflection of his 64 years of existence. then, fr. eli, fr. abel, bros. abe, lonx and i met for the preparation of the salterrae.

TALKING WITHIN:
i'm still feeling a little nostalgic. i am still missing my companions... i felt that i haven't said goodbye enough. nevertheless it's time to move one. i've been adjusting. i couldn't imagine myself missing the structures of the seminary which i previously abhor. life is fast-paced... there will be shifts in lifestyle. yet, i still hold onto God and pray that i may not be drowned and be consumed. nevertheless, i am consoled by the fact that God is with me, and i am looking forward a fruitful journey of this new chapter of my salesian life.

feeling sad...

2008-04-10T18:10:00.001+08:00

the day of my exodus comes closer now. feelings of nostalgia and sadness are starting to overcome me.i am the first to leave the postnovitiate... the haven, my home. barely two days to go and i haven't packed my things yet.a greater portion of me doesn't want to leave. but this is not a separation anxiety about the place and my comfort zones.this is about holding onto the people i treasure, the persons i have learned to love. they will surely be missed. i know it's not the end of the world. we'll still be meeting each other again some time. yet, the postnovitiate journey and the everyday encounter with them as a community will soon end. i don't think we'll ever be assigned together again into another community.

surely, you'll be missed!

i have found a "home" in you. leaving the postnovitiate doesn't mean leaving "home."
the jingle of the radio station 97.9 home radio is correct:
"home is where you place my heart."
you will always be in my heart.
wherever i may be, i would carry this "home" with me.

God Bless!

sinungaling nga ba?

2008-04-09T05:21:00.002+08:00

I find this story amusing...

Karpintero itong si Pedro at isang araw eh gumagawa siya ng isang bahay sa tabi ng ilog.
Sa lakas ng pagmamartilyo niya eh nalaglag ang martilyo niya sa ilog.
Umiyak siya at lumitaw yung guardian angel niya,
"Tutulungan kita, Pedro"
Sabay lundag sa ilog.
Lumabas ito na me hawak na gold hammer,
"Ito ba ang martilyo mo?"...
"Hindi po."
Lundag uli ang anghel at lumitaw na me silver hammer,
"Ito ba?"
"Hindi po."
Lundag uli sa ilog ang anghel at lumitaw na me ordinary hammer,
"Ito ba?"
" Opo!"
Natuwa ang anghel.
"Dahil honest ka, bukod sa martilyo mo,
sa 'yo na rin ang gold and silver hammer!"
Makaraan ang ilang araw, naglalakad si Pedro sa ilog
at kasama ang misis niya.
Eh sa katangahan, nalaglag si misis sa ilog.
Iyak si Pedro.
Litaw si guardian angel.
"Tutulungan kita."
Sabay lundag sa ilog at ng lumitaw eh kasama si Diana Zubiri.
"Ito ba ang misis mo?"
Sagot si Pedro, "Opo!"
Nagalit si anghel, "Sinungaling ka. Akala ko pa naman eh mabait ka."
Nag-reason-out si Pedro,
"Sorry po, angel... kasi kapag sinabi kong 'Hindi',
eh lulundag ka uli sa tubig at paglitaw mo eh kasama mo si Katrina Halili.
At kapag sinabi ko uli na hindi siya ang asawa ko,
eh lulundag ka uli at ang tunay na misis ko na ang kasama mo.
At dahil sa kabaitan ko, eh ibibigay mo din sa akin sina Diana at Katrina.
Mahirap lang po ako at hindi ko kaya ang me tatlong asawa,
kaya 'Yes' na lang ang sinagot ko nung una."

Tanong: Naniniwala ba kayo kay Pedro o Hindi?

reminiscing my high school events

2008-04-05T17:44:00.001+08:00

this evening i sort-of attended the graduating students of don bosco canlubang's high school department. as the gradutaing ceremonies unfold, flashes of memories from my own high school graduation play before my mind. i've been discussing to one of my confreres how ceremonies differ now in reference to our experiences. i could feel from our graduating students the ambience of gratefulness and great pride of having been formed in this institution. seeing this rewinds in me the similar feeling i have felt before when i was there, wearing my barong, seated among the group of gentlemen eager to reach the apex of high school life.

indeed, high school life is a treasure worth to keep. though a delicate stage of formation, it highlights our initial youthful enthusiasm as we face life as human person. more than the lessons learned, it's a journey worthy to look back into as we trace the path and the state of where we are right now. God indeed has a hand in this.

for this experience, i get to be all the more proud to be a bosconian. yet, what's even more amazing is that i am not only proud of being a bosconian, i feel all the more proud and relevant as a salesian. and as a salesian, i now take part in the formation of these young people, as i did take part in the formation of our recent graduating class. i pray that God may maximally use me in this mission of touching lives.

congrats atty. banaybanay!!!

2008-03-29T13:29:00.000+08:00

my felicitations to:
ms. clarissa idris g. banaybanay
for passing the 2007 bar exams!!!
ad maiorem dei gloriam!

pain and beauty

2008-03-29T11:24:00.001+08:00

“life is about change.
sometimes it’s painful. sometimes it’s beautiful.
but most of the time it’s both.”

- Lana Lang (Smallville)

it's a reality i find a difficulty...
...of accepting.
days from now, life is about to change.
this seeming monotony which i first found to be deafening will soon break its silence.
and i find it a great weight in my heart.
change...
at times i want it, welcome it...
at times i shun it, abhor it, especially when i seem to like the balance.
yet it's the most objective reality there is.
things, people and experiences, even structures, i hate to admit, i would surely miss.
yet they would remain to be a part of me wherever i go.
change...
it comes in various forms.
either you change or i change or situations change,
many times it's the interplay of two or all.
either people leave...
or you leave...
either people grow...
or you grow...
change...
see there's both pain and beauty in it...
'coz that's life...
and this is the life i have come to embrace,
along with it are pain and beauty
... an inexplicable combination or a paradoxical twin.

blah...

2008-03-21T15:45:00.001+08:00

B1: marketing tayo bukas…

B2: bakit bukas? di ba dapat monday?

B1: bukas nga, eh, sabi ni ……..

B2: di ba napagmitingan na yan…. bakit ba di sumusunod sa usapan?

B1: rector kasi siya…

B3: sige marketing ka bukas, manonood kami bukas….

B1: ah ganun ba? ako din, manonood din bukas…

Christ's Passion is God's Love

2008-03-21T14:55:00.001+08:00

something that struck me in today's good friday liturgy:

why do we celebrate Christ's passion?
why celebrate the pain, suffering and the very death of Christ?

it's not the pain, suffering and the death of Christ we are celebrating...
... it's the LOVE of God
... for this reason He embraced all these.
... i dare not ask who am i to deserve all these.
... yet He continues to love and He continues to suffer for our sake, for my sake.
... such LOVE could never be surpassed, except by Him who surpasses His own love every day.

that's why no matter how small or big my difficulty is, or no matter how dark the world may appear to me, my life would remain a "blessing" for the simple reason that i am loved.

mad about series

2008-03-19T17:57:00.001+08:00

i spent so much time doing this…
after the pressures of “de universa,” i relaxed a bit by getting back to some of the tv series I’d like to watch. i was made to reflect all the other tv series I have “wasted” my time with. it was not really a waste. these I consider as part of sequence of events:

PRISON BREAK
this would be have to be my much loved action-drama series t date. i first encountered this last year, after the de universa of the brothers ahead of us. I am impressed by the storyline. i am amazed of its sustaining suspense... getting me so addicted, inducing me to crave episodes after episodes. scofield’s character-personality is remarkable. i never thought that such a personality disorder (but i would rather term it as gift) or rather a person with a low latent inhibition could be so cool. i could somehow resonate or at least relate to the character, not that i have low latent inhibition, but i tend to be analytical while considering the bigger picture or the grand scheme. like scofield, i live on strategies. i was, however, overwhelmed by what they are against, “the company.” whenever i would watch this, i would easily get affected. i would at times feel headaches or a pains in my chest as i feel like so involved in the story. however, what is most painful or most difficult to endure is that “waiting” like when you are hanged for a long time and wondering what would the next episode be. this has got to be one of the downside of the “series,” it doesn’t seem to end.

LOST
before i knew PRISON BREAK, this headed my list. i am astounded by the style. i was enthralled by the mystery as the survivors of the plane crash find their way on the mysterious island. it presented a somewhat parallelism of two planes of existence: (1) their experience of being actually lost in an island; and (2) their experience of being lost in their own lives. their survival in the island matched an opportunity to confront their past, to make sense of their lives, and to embrace conversion. it tackles profoundly the behavioral, sociological, psychological and mystical aspect of life. yet, the island is enveloped with a cloud of mystery, still an enigma in my mind. the plot or the story is non-linear; the viewer is left to make the connections. while watching episodes after episodes, you get to feel that you are filling the gaps. watching this let’s you feel like playing a jigsaw puzzle. i laud those who have conceptualized this. the i'm currently finishing season 3.

HEROES
this is another impressive action series as it brings out that child in me from the past. i am not sure, if all of us, when we were young and got introduced to many superheroes, that we desired to have such superpowers. i did. and somehow, until now, i tend to wish to have them. “but be careful what you wish for,” they say. this is precisely the struggle of the characters. while some of us want to have superpowers, at least a greater majority of them do not want them. each character possesses a unique ability. from where these powers came from is still a mystery. it's not the glory of the heroes that are highlighted here. it's basically about the numerous struggles they undergo. while superman sings, "it's not easy to be me," and spiderman's uncle ben warns, "from great power comes great responsibility;" this series simply points out that it is damned hard to be different. while for me, reflecting on it further, it emphasizes the uniqueness and giftedness of every person, that no one is born a "junk." here we highlight the human dignity.

CHARMED
it’s the gorgeous halliwel sisters and the “magical” fantasy theme of the series that made me anticipate this series. it presented diverse conflicting themes of the story: how to balance their magical lives and their ordinary everyday lives; the burden and struggle in keeping their destinies secret from the outside world that would create tensions on friendships, workplace, and lovel ives; the forbidden loves between piper and the whitelighter and between phoebe and the half-demon; and the eventual death of prue. the latter episodes are not as captivating as the initial ones. especially when we get to learn that the creator and executive producer constance burge has left the show to executive producer brad kern. that’s when the structure of the show turned into “the demon of the week” plot. The concept of the “power of three” highlights the merit of synergy, love, unity. Such gifts are ordained in service to others.

DAWSON’S CREEK
how would you deal the situation when you fall in love with your best friend or your childhood friend? this, perhaps, captures my attention to be an avid viewer of this teenage-drama series. as the series progresses, young people are found to be entangled into a complex web of love relationships: joey loves dawson who loves jen. jen, however, is afraid of commitment. joey realizing that dawson loves jen, seeks refuge to pacey. pacey eventually falls in love with joey who is still in love with dawson. pacey confronts dawson who loves jen but still is protective of joey, and so on… and the million-dollar question of pacey to dawson: “who would it be? the blond or the brunette?” more complications and issues arise as the series further progress. the series relevantly captured teenage viewers as they tackled relevant teenage issues. in fact, it simply revolved into the agonizing life-decisions of teenagers which is not really about morality or practicality, but simply, that is. yet, i feel that the series provided insufficient background (historically and psychologically) as to how, why and what moved these teenagers to take such course of actions in their life-decisions.

PARTY OF FIVE
picture this: both parents died in a car-crash accident. all five children eventually became orphans. it was up to the somewhat irresponsible 24-year old charlie to take charge and care for his younger siblings. to support the family, charlie took over the family’s business (restaurant), thus the start of his conversion. yet while charlie deals with his own issues, the other siblings had their own woes. this series is not only a struggle of coping up with the loss of parents, but of growing up together as a family.

ROSWELL
this is another teenage drama-series i used to watch, but packaged with a different setting. the town of roswell in new mexico has been identified with alien presences. four-alien human hybrids have been sent to earth as everyday teenagers to wait for the day so that they would return to their planet to save their race. but while on earth, their battles are everyday struggles that normal teenagers face. eventually, as the story unfolds, their struggle is more than that of a normal teenager… as aliens they are being hunted, by who or should i say by what… i haven’t finished this series yet.

ALLY MCBEAL
the theme song , searching my soul, perhaps, encapsulates the point of the series. the protagonist, obviously a woman, single, and a lawyer in her thirties, eventually ended up working with a classmate’s firm. while being introduced to her fellow associates, she finds that her high school and college love partner was not only working at her new firm and that she also learned that he is married. i find this series not only hilarious but weird. there are a lot of lunacies in it. in fact, each character manifested his or her own “insanity.” could this series be affirming and tolerating of our own inanities? yet it’s about life searching. what does it take for one to be happy and fulfilled?

DOOGIE HOWSER, MD

i think I was in my fourth or fifth grade in my elementary years when i began watching this series. I was fascinated by the thought of a 16-year old teenager as a doctor. i was not really religious of watching it, for I could not relate to its theme. but I understood the conflict of his age: his youthful years and his professional experience.

FRIENDS
this sit-com amuses me even until now. i don’t know if the plot is going somewhere. i am not even sure if there is a plot. all I know is that it presents a clique between chandler, ross, joey, monica, phoebe, and rachel, all having their own oddity. they would talk about almost everything from relationships to work to marriage to one’s own insanity. yet the message is clear. friends are there for one another, and are willing to accept us as who w

e are.

7^TH HEAVEN
i remember the lenten season of the year 2001 when they have featured in studio 25 a marathon of episodes of this series. while i was still in the dark about my vocation path, this series have inclined me towards married life, raising a family of my own. while watching this series, i imagine and wonder how i would raise my own
family. the theme of this drama-series deals a moral or controversial issue that the family encounters. The family was headed by a protestant minister, no wonder why the theme is of that inclination. i learned a lot of values watching this series. it stresses the importance of a family in one’s life.

LOIS AND CLARK
we know the usual plot and story of superman. but this series focuses on superman’s daily events at metropolis and his romantic affairs with lois lane. i really am drawned and amused by lois lane’s character (played by teri hatcher) in this series. the series present an effective chemistry between the two. at the time I was watching I believed that i am beyond my playful and childhood stage as i got to be more interested with their love affairs rather than the superman actions – there’s really not much in this series.

SMALLVILLE
i am about to start to watch this series and so i could not comment much on this. the plot follows the adventures of young clark kent’s life in the town of smallville at kansas. I expect a lot of good stuffs from this.

MACGYVER
this is one of the earlier action series i was looking forward to watch when i was in my elementary years. angus macgyver is a freelance secret agent who would rather use his brains rather than any other weaponry to solve desperate problems. for each episode, i was looking forward to his macgyver methods, using his knowledge on chemistry and physics. what is fascinating is that he would make use of ordinary common items or elements such as duct tapes, a swiss knife, chewing gum to create stuffs that would help him in his tasks. in my admiration, i would imitate, and worse, reinvent such macgyverisms. but instead of building and saving, i tend to wreck and destroy stuffs. this series moves one to love science. it is pro-science and anti-violence, a positive way of looking at action themes.

is she turning left or right?

2008-03-19T12:35:00.001+08:00

i got this recently in my email...
i am not sure about its authenticity or accuracy, but basing from this activity, i am strongly a right-brain person. however, i could also switch into using my left-brain.

Which way does she turn for you?

This is really amazing.
Read the information and good luck, you will need it.
This will drive people crazy for hours.

If you see this lady turning in clockwise you are a right-brain.
If you see the other way you are using your left brain.
Some people do see both ways, but most people see it only one way.

See if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain's current. BOTH DIRECTIONS CAN BE SEEN

Experimentation has shown that the two different sides, or hemispheres of the brain are responsible for different manners of thinking. The following table illustrates the differences between left-brain and right-brain thinking:

Left Brain Right Brain

Logical Random
Sequential Intuitive
Rational Holistic
Analytical Synthesizing
Objective Subjective

Looks at Looks at
parts wholes

Most individuals have a distinct preference for one of these styles of thinking. Some, however, are more whole-brained and equally adept at both modes. In general, schools tend to favor left-brain modes of thinking, while downplaying the right-brain activities. Left-brain scholastic subjects focus on logical thinking, analysis, and accuracy. Right-brained subjects, on the other hand, focus on aesthetics, feeling, and creativity.

If you look away, she may switch from one direction to the other.

I found that if I just look at her feet or relax and look at the floor where the reflection shows, she will switch direction!

last song syndrome: "it ends tonight"

2008-03-17T05:58:00.001+08:00

i appreciate what this song wants to convey:
"MOVE ON!"

IT ENDS TONIGHT
All-American Rejects

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Tonight
Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

No Rewind, No Replay

2008-03-16T09:31:00.003+08:00

(please wait for the music to load...)

just sharing one beautiful song of jose mari chan.
it stresses the point of treasuring "the moment,"
for the moment fleets so fast,
and soon you'll realize that it's gone...

the fact is...
there's no rewinding,
there's no replay.

cherish the moment,
and as the song would tell us,
"make these moments last right now."

No Rewind, No Replay
Jose Mari Chan

It’s 2am we’re lying in bed
Stillness all around there’s not a sound except in my head
Of happy songs children laughing
Kids celebrating youth like it never would end

Not long ago they sat on our knees
We drew cartoons, flew to the moon, trimmed christmas trees
But time has flown look how they’ve grown
Soon she’ll be you, and soon he’ll be.. like me..

There’s no rewinding no replay
The chance you lose today will be gone when it’s gone
We’ll never be quite as strong nor as young as this again
Make them last, make these moments last right now.

But time has flown look how they’ve grown
We’ll never be quite as strong nor as young as this again
Make them last, make these moments last right now.

on yesterday's forum for discernment about the zte-nbn scandal

2008-03-15T05:13:00.001+08:00

yesterday we attended a forum for discernment regarding the zte-nbn scandal at mhc shrine at paranaque with fr. archie intengan,sj as the speaker. it ended at about 10:30 late in the evening. i received a very striking remark from a priest after the forum, "were you able to find the truth?" i could only grin at this sarcasm.

obviously, fr. intengan is inclined to the administration's side. yet, it was not a waste of time to attend the forum. it all the more enhanced the validity of my reading of the events. i may not adhere to the convictions and motives of lozada, but i still believe in his testimony. it's inconceivable for me for him to have planned all these. i was also intrigued by the presentation of the wiretapped conversations between lozada and de venecia that were now available in the internet, the youtube and other blogsites. if indeed these were all true, how were these apprehended. the fact that these could be apprehended, it would be possible that anyone of us could be wiretapped. if we would be regarded as the "enemy," it's not surprising that our conversations be recorded and guarded. where is that right of privacy that is enshrined in our constitution?

for all we knew, we thought the speaker was only fr. intengan. we never thought that asec. ricky saludo would defensively present the side of the administration hrough this forum, initiating with a statement that goes something like, "90% of what fr. intengan had said is new to me as i have just heard now." come on, an outsider has more knowledge and insights rather than somebody from the inside? then this is proved further how, during the question and answer portion, he was so uptight in defending. he strongly asserted how this administration has been seriously fighting corruption. it was a good slap on the face in that argument when somebody asked something like, "if the adminsitration is serious about fighting corruption, then why they have saved erap from conviction." his response: (1) there are noble clamor, also on the part of the church, for erap to be set free, (2) he's beyond 70 years old. i could only laugh at this superficial and insufficient response.

i pity, those church workers who attended and who were easily swayed by their propaganda. they admitted that they first believed lozada and eventually shifted to discrediting him just because of the wiretapped conversations and the contrary version of the administration, while attacking the credibility of lozada.

i am not pro-lozada. i am pro-truth. and the truth is that corruption is rampant and prevalent in this administration, no matter how they would deny it. and the people know this. and the government would challenge us, why don't we file a case? they would always ask for evidences. where is the evidence? would somebody corrupting leave an evidence? would somebody asking for a "lagay" ask for an official receipt? and what if there are no evidence? then, they are clean!?!

i agree with fr. intengan at one point. we need a social reform. but the question is: where and how would this start? we would often clamor, "let's change the system. let's reform the society." i never thought that the system or the society has grown to be "beings" greatly paralyzing our lives. yet what makes up the system or the society are the people. the individuals. we. and let's take it more personally, "i."

SCANDAL

2008-03-14T12:47:00.003+08:00

check this out... what i got from email... this is really crazy!

Ann was
chatting on
her YM
when someone
named Marco Mist added her.

She accepted the invitation.

Ann cute:hus ds?
Marco Mist: di mo ako kilala?
Ann cute: di po e
Ann cute: cno po 2?
Marco Mist: sus kunwari ka pa
Ann cute: cno nga 2?!
Marco Mist: ann
Marco Mist: wag
Marco Mist: ka
Marco Mist: na
Marco Mist: magkunwari
Ann cute: kulit mo din noh?
Marco Mist: si marco to
Ann cute: cnong marco?
Marco Mist: ah so kinalimutan mo na ko?
Ann cute: cno ka ba tlga?!
Marco Mist: marco.
Marco Mist: Marco I. Melionza
Ann cute: Marco?!
Marco Mist: at last
Ann cute: OMG!
Ann cute: wag mo nga ako lokohin!
Ann cute: patay na si marco e!
Marco Mist: kaya nga e.
Marco Mist: miss na miss na kita ann
Marco Mist: miss na miss
Ann cute: hindi na to nkktawa
Ann cute: cno 2? jordan? mike?
Ann cute: wag nau kau mgkunwari!
Ann cute: :P
Marco Mist: ann ako nga to
Marco Mist: gus2 mo magwebcam pa ko?
Ann cute: cge ba

Marco turned on his webcam

Ann cute: O
Ann cute: M
Ann cute: G
Marco Mist: kita mo na?
Ann cute: imposible!
Ann cute: nkita kitang nasagasaan!
Marco Mist: ...
Ann cute: so hndi k tlga ptay?
Marco Mist: patay
Ann cute: wtf?!?!
Ann cute: linawin mo nga
Marco Mist: bumalik ako pra sau
Marco Mist: mhal prin kita ann
Ann cute: marco may bf na ko
Ann cute: si noel

Afte r that, Marco stopped replying and
his webcam was paused.

But Marco still hasn't signed out.

Ann didn't close Marco's webcam just in
case Marco broadcasts again.

BUZZ!!!
BUZZ!!!

Ann buzzed 2 times

Still no reply

All of a sudden Marco's webcam was on
again

I t showed Marco, his head ed
open,
bleed ing, his whole body full of cuts
and open wounds.

Marco looked the et same way he did
when he was hit by a truck.

Ann froze in shock

All of a sudden Marco replied

Marco Mist: so hindi mo na ako mahal?

Marco signed out

Ann's computer turned off by itself

Ann's phone rang

Ann: Hello?
Jordan: Ann, bad news.
Ann: Ha? Ano?
Jordan: Si Noel.
Ann: Ano nangyari kay Noel?!
Jordan: Nasagasaan siya ng truck.
Ann: (cries)
Jordan: Hello? Ann?
Ann: Nasaan siya?
Jordan: Nasa ********.
Ann: Papunta na ko.
Jordan: Ok.

Ann went to ******** Hospital.

Jor dan leaded her to Noel's hospital
room.

**the hospital name has been censored
for privacy**

Jordan: I think kailangan muna kita
iwanan dito.
Ann: Yah. Thanks ah.

Jorda n left Ann with Noel.

Ann : Noel, wag ka mawala. Dati si
Marco,
ngay on ikaw. Wag naman o.

Ann hears footsteps from outside.

She turns around.

To her shock, she sees a y Marco
standing there by the door.

Ann screamed.

Ann lost her consciousness.
Wh en Ann woke up, she was lying down
on
a hospital bed.

Ann: Ano nangyari?
Jordan: Hinimatay ka.
Ann: Wow.
Jordan: Akala nga namin kung ano na
nangyari sayo e.
Ann: Yeah. But, I think ready na ako
umuwi.
Jordan: Sige. Tawagin ko lang si doc.

Jordan leaves.

Blood y Marco appears in front of Ann.

Marc o: Masaya ka na?
Ann: Ano ba Marco?!
Marco: Kung hindi mo ako kaya mahalin,
wala ka nang ibang mamahalin pa!
Ann: Marco patay ka na!
Marco: Pati si Noel!
Ann: Wala kang kwenta!
Marco: (laughs)

Marco disappeared and Ann started
laughing like crazy.

When Jordan returned with the doctor,
they were both shocked to see Ann,
laughing, trying to hurt everyone she
sees.

Since then, Ann has lost her mind and
got checked in a mental hospital.

Ann has never stopped laughing ever
since.
Marco has never forgiven Ann for
finding
a new guy.

And Marco has promised that anyone who
finds out about his story will suffer
the same fate as Ann...

...unless they pass the curse on to
other people with the title SCANDAL

nakakainis, ano?
mga forwarded emails talaga...

last day of catechesis: no catechesis

2008-03-13T14:55:00.001+08:00

i have prepared well. i was planning to bring laptop, karaoke, and make the most of this last day of catechesis class. to our dismay, there was none. i really don't want to end our class like that. i've been pondering on other possibilities, other days, it seems that this was really the last and opportune moment to gather them.

almost all of my student passed and are about to graduate this april (except for the 4 who had to stay behind because of backlog subjects). they have invited me for their graduation. it's a pity i couldn't come because it's in conflict with our scheduled annual retreat.

i handle 70 students, although 20 to 30 in average attend my class, considering it's scheduled at 1 PM at the most unholy hour of the day. according to them, they are one of the most notorious sections in the graduating class.

i would normally arrive in class at 12:45 PM, and i would not find any single soul in the classroom. it's very seldom when i meet students ahead of me, learning after that they had to go home for lunch yet.

at times, their last period of class in the morning would extend until 12:30 PM or somtimes beyond more. this would eat up my catechesis time. they had to go home to eat their lunch. some would skip my class because they want to sleep. some do not really want to attend at all.

i would observe that the few who regularly attend my class found in their conscience my efforts of being with them.

for the whole year i could say that we have only met for more or less 10 meetings (that would mean two and a half months regular class of one hour a week). i am supposed to discuss to them the 10 commandments. we only reached the fourth.

yet despite all these, i really enjoyed this year of catechesis. more than they have learned from me, i believe that i have learned a lot from them. i am not sure if all the things i have taught them would sink into them, or at least produce a minimal effect. but that is beyond my control. i would have to allow God's grace to work as i tried so hard to plant in them the seeds of the love of God.

yet, i have learned a lot from them. this experienced formed in me a different catechist compared form the previous years. i never scolded them. i never got angry at them. i learned how to understand their situation. i learned to become patient. i learned how to get down to their level. i learned how to reach out to them. i learned a lot from them personally as some would spontaneously open their life to me. i learned that what they long for: a friend who doesn't label, somebody on their side. i may not have captured all, though i really tried, but i have learned how to capture some hearts.

students in public schools, especially those belonging to the worse section are often neglected and labeled. these are the ones who needed more attention and appreciation. concretely, this experience allowed me to understand our option for the poor and marginalized. it takes a lot from me. i am a salesian, and this has to be lived by.

the beads bearing meaning

2008-03-13T14:21:00.001+08:00

this morning i received this rosary personally made by rey in response to (more than an exchange of) the jersey i gave him. realizing further that he personally made this rosary, i felt that my share is of lesser value than his.

i further affirm his simplicity after learning his rosary-making as a hobby. while i devote much time in blogging and in other entertainment, his is to stay silently in one corner as he would enjoy himself creating these marian beads. i would say that this indeed is a marian devotion.

pondering on these events led me to the awareness and realization of simple living and enjoyment, a more noble expression of the evangelical counsels, which i am expected to radically live.

thanks, rey, not only for the rosary, but for the example.

the surprise witness surprises us

2008-03-11T19:10:00.001+08:00

it's a pain in the head to reflect after hearing leo san miguel's testimonies regarding the zte-nbn scandal after claiming that he had no direct knowledge of the alleged kickbacks. sen. lacson, i guess, was disappointed for the businessman's testimony. the senator seemed to be sure that he had a credible witness who would further disclose the "details of irregularities" of the zte scam. to his surprise, it was a turnabout. his testimonies may be a further neutralization of the testimonies of lozada and madriaga. this would spin a web of more confusion to the people.

i am amazed at his wit in answering every question of the senators. he's very learned in the art of answering, avoiding to commit a categorical statement. he answered pretty safely. this smoothness however makes him all the more suspicious.

is this a ploy of the administration to neutralize the attacks of his detractors and oppressors?

the plot thickens...

yet, if this story is real, i am not amused.

A VIEW FROM THE OTHER SIDE, IN THE INTEREST OF FAIR PLAY, GIVEN THE MEDIA FRENZY GOING ON IN FAVOR OF SO CALLED HEROES!

2008-03-10T17:29:00.001+08:00

i got this from an email from fr. chito. boy, i am ever more confused. yet, my yearning to seek for the truth becomes all the more adamant. i could not agree more.

There is a lot of noise about "truth" these days. with so many conflicting stories, one can feel lost. one feels all the more lost when the media frenzy sits on the side of one, and glosses over the other. heroes can be created and unmade by the day. at a time when the world is in need of heroes, the media can, not only report events, but also actually create events, and make individuals they fancy become bigger than the world, bigger than life itself. In the interest of fairness, i invite you to see the other side of the story. not that i uncritically side with whoever anonymous person is behind this. all i can safely assume for now is what we all know deep inside us ... both sides are not beyond the dirty tactics category ... welcome to the real world of saints and sinners and not all those touted and ballyhoed as heroes may not be real heroes after all go to <http://patriots4truth.blogspot.com>

we all struggle, we all win

2008-03-09T05:44:00.001+08:00

someone told me:

"you're spending a lot of time, attention and energy reviewing for the de universa. when it ended, what would be the use of all that?"

indeed, the de universa may not be everything in the postnovitiate, but it's replete with formative experiences i never imagined having.

we may forget everything we may have reviewed -- 60 theses from 6 treatises in 6 months.there might be no further use of it in our practical training. there might be a few use of it as a foundation in our theological formation. but, i see more and deeper values in this. more than the outcome or the usefulness, it's the formative process which one undergoes that is deemed necessary and important.

we all underwent the same preparation, the same pressure. we were all in this together. we supported each other. we prayed for one another. we shared our progress and difficulties and concerns and anxieties. we are all one in this. the result is not really important whether one becomes cum laude or not. we all passed as we have all struggled to pass. and by God's grace we all did it. i am proud to share this oneness with you.

end of the line...

2008-03-07T07:51:00.001+08:00

i had to admit, i have never been so tensed in my life except for this one.
and i am happy that i have reached the end.
after the exam, i immediately went up to the adoration chapel and really shouted, "Thank you, Lord." I feel like crying while thanking Him for His providence, but I didn't. I am overwhelmed by His presence and grace. Inside the chapel, i feel like making my catharsis.

i cannot but praise and thank God.

among the answers i have given, after exposing the thesis of Divine Intelligence and while connecting it with Divine Wisdom, this struck me most:

"God knows me through and through, and for that He loves me."

I have been feeling that intensely now.
I pray that i may give back to God that same intensity,
or even at least close to that intensity,
to love Him.

But then, i really love you, Lord.

The Coffee Shop Closes

2008-03-05T16:52:00.001+08:00

Remember this?

i particularly pertain to the coffee maker.
i accidentally broke it this afternoon.
its glass shattered into pieces,
causing even cuts and scratches in my left arm and hand.

the implication: the end of the coffee days.
i'm sorry coffee lovers.
i suggest that you'd rather take "nescafe."

a deep and silent mental fracas

2008-03-05T08:03:00.001+08:00

i chomp the words

and they slip past my mouth;
i tried gathering the letter crumbs
and rearrange,
and meditate.
i don't see the sense of taking these all,
yet i feel obliged,
by me?
by a monster in me,
a liitle monster that creeps.
and as i take these words
for my mind to digest,
it stops.
and my mind goes blank...
then, boom! this mind
mechanically operates,
flashing colors i haven't seen,
passing places i haven't been,
popping images i haven't met,
not before, perhaps, not yet.
then, the letters begin to float
before the vastness of the mind's eye.
like a water they drop,
like a hammer they pound.
and my head starts to ache,
as i cry out a silent pain.
yet, what suffers the most,
not my head,
not my mind,
but this quiet heart,
who was never heard complaining...
but now.

dare: can you do this?

2008-03-03T16:52:00.001+08:00

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot.

But you can't!!!

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!

I told you so.. And there is nothing you can do about it!!

how paradoxes could sometimes make sense...

2008-03-03T16:40:00.000+08:00

"Expect everything, and anything seems nothing.
Expect nothing, and anything seems everything."
-- Samuel Hazo

"Sometimes it proves the highest understanding not to understand."
-- Gracian

“Our life is frittered away by detail...
Simplify, simplify.”
-- Henry David Thoreau

“Imagination does not breed insanity.
Exactly what does breed insanity is reason.”
-- G. K. Chesterton

"In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two."
-- Erich Fromm

“one's not half two. It's two are halves of one:
which halves reintegrating, shall occur
no death and any quantity; but than
all numerable mosts the actual more

minds ignorant of stern miraculous
this ever truth--beware of heartless them
(given the scalpel, they dissect a kiss;
or, sold the reason, they undream a dream)

one is the song which fiends and angels sing:
all murdering lies by mortals told make two.
Let liars wilt, repaying life they're loaned;
we(by a gift called dying born)must grow

deep in dark least ourselves remembering
love only rides his year.
All lose, whole find”
-- e.e. cummings

"Chasing Cars": i love this song!

2008-03-02T11:21:00.002+08:00

... nostalgic, melancholic, drives your head wild, yet soothing!

CHASING CARS
Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

what could be an option???

2008-03-01T05:47:00.001+08:00

aware of the political state of our country and yesterday's interfaith rally in makati, i find myself questioning what could be the best option for the problem. i don't think that people power is the answer, nor the resignation of gma is the key. assuming the quest for truth and transparency has been achieved (which i find it hard to believe to happen), what next?

i hope that each one of us derive a very important and personal lesson in our social situation... what that is take to be an honest and responsible citizen?

few days back i have watched lozada's speech in a mass at baclaran church. it struck me that in the midst of our review for the comprehensive exams, he tackled the idea of "evil." we remember neri allegedly calling the president "evil" which he eventually denied of saying that in a press conference. people are clamoring to fight for "evil." lozada stressed a beautiful remark that "evil," as he have learned from his theology, "is the absence of good." he thus challenged everyone that,instead of fighting against evil, we must fill our hearts with goodness. a thundrous applause followed suit.

this is the call for all of us. we must fill our hearts with goodness and love.
this is not really something new.
we have learned this from our parents.
we have learned this from school.
our faith and the bible teaches this.
we know this by heart.
we just really have to act on it...
we just simply have to make it happen.

3 C's these past days

2008-03-01T05:43:00.000+08:00

wednesday counselling (february 27)
i went to paranaque at the MHC shrine to meet fr. chito for updating. whatever i say they are all connected to that same personal issue. prescription: cognitive and behavior modification, requiring me for constant and periodical reflection, keeping watch of myself and my reactions.

thursday catechesis (february 28)
i prepared for this class. when i arrived at the classroom, no single soul in sight.
i am surprised by my calmness in this class, considering this is one of the problematic class of the school. it is amazing to realize that considering my temperament i have remained calm and patient with them since the beginning of class.
i had a chance to talk to one of my students. i practically spent the whole period listening to him as he spontaneously revealed his life and himself to me. young people beset with problems really need people to talk to. i find this experience a validation of my vocation as a salesian.

friday comprehensive written exams (february 29)
a mind-draining day for me, as we responded to the cosmological synthesis of the question, "what is the world made of?" thus, indeed, it led me to the realization the wisdom, generosity and love of God when i look at everything that He has made, indeed, "it is all good."

God Can Do More: A Critique on Hartshorne's Process God

2008-02-27T17:56:00.000+08:00

Have we not been fascinated when we were so young, that our parents know so much and can do so many things? Weren’t they the first person we run into to ask questions we do not know? Yet, as we got older, we come to realize the grips of this faulty logic, especially when we start to ask them more challenging questions and even ask them to do a more challenging, if not impossible tasks.

This has also been my growth experience as regards my view about God.

As held by the classical theists, I believed in a God who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-good. When I was young, I had this experience when my mother instilled in me that fear of God who punishes bad children. I have read in the bible how God has been in control to the events of people, sending aid and privileges when He gets pleased, while casting punishments when disgruntled. The idea of a God who is perfect presented to me a God who knows everything: whether past, present or future, thoughts and desires, and even what is unsaid. It would seem proper of a God who is all-powerful to be all-knowing. And, God is God because He is all-good, merciful and loving, as embodied by Jesus in the Gospels. This has been my initial view about God. And I admit that I got satisfied and awestruck in this belief.

As I grew older and got to immerse myself more into the realities of life, I could not but help myself to ask deeper questions, even bolder ones, questions that could even shake one’s faith if I am not too careful, questions like, “Why?” With all the attributes I knew of God, why the suffering in the world? Often, I would interpret it as a form of punishment from God for people who have not been good or faithful. Yet, my eyes did not fail to see good, honest and virtuous people who suffer. I could not decipher what was in the mind of God. Has He gotten to do anything with these? Are these part of what we call as His Divine plan?

Indeed, it is so disturbing to think about the many evil in the world face to face with a God whom we used to cling on amidst these difficulties. With the cries of injustices around us, I tend to ask, “what is God doing?” And it is even more disturbing for me to go and to catechize students in public schools whose refrain of question is: “is God fair?” considering their sad plight in being poor vis-à-vis the cruel people getting richer all the more.

Classical theism, in defending God’s absolute simplicity, infinity, omnipotence and providence, seem to find itself irreconcilable with the problem of evil. What is God’s relation as regards evil? How accountable or responsible is He from the fact that everything as seen by Him and controlled by Him are in accordance to His Divine Plan?

Yet, that is not all. God as all-Good is also claimed as God who is loving. We even identified God as Love Himself. But if truly God loves, how does a lover respond to this object of His love who suffers? If He is not affected , what seems to be the LOVE that is? What kind of LOVE is that He is showing?

As Hartshorne’s Process God is being presented in class, these questions were gradually addressed. I was opened to the probability that God may be absolute-relative in His desire to relate to every man. God is seen here as a lover who gets affected by his loved one. And so God feels. This is consoling. That in the midst of man’s suffering, God is not simply detached and unaffected, but He indeed wails and cries with us. It is in this great love that God gave the greatest gift of a lover to the loved one: his or her freedom. Consequently, this respect for freedom bound His hands to never directly intervene in the affairs of men in a sense that He should be in control. And since men have their freedom, the course of events rested on their shoulders. Even God gets to be excited as he awaits for what could ever come about. Yet this does not diminish the value of God’s omniscience. He has perfect knowledge, but that the future which is not yet here, not yet existing, is not yet known. Consequently, when things do happen, that would not be taken as God’s will, but that, it just happened. Even for God, it would seem that “Life,” from the words of the great philosopher Forrest Gump, “is a box of chocolate. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

Hartshorne’s Process God works not by compulsion nor by coercion, but by persuasion. Indeed, it is morally admirable for someone to guide, to influence, to give cues rather than to command. This divine lure is what God can most do, given the circumstance of His respect for man’s freedom, so that everything may be brought into goodness, or into what Hartshorne termed as “maximal value.”

It would seem that the Process God have liberated Himself from the pointing-finger of the problem of evil. More so, it highlights a very impressive essence of God which is love. It also emphasizes the freedom of man which God values and respects.

Having presented these two views: both the classical and the process God, I know it has been very obvious in the way of my presentation where my inclination would tend to. In presenting my position, I’d like to share this little account.

I had a dream. I dreamt one night that I had a son. He looked just like me and he was running about and around the living room area of the house, while I would chase after him, holding a cup of ice cream and teaspoon in order to feed him. Despite the “kalikutan” I find this more enjoyable and fulfilling, for the simple reason that I love my son. A little later, I had no idea that my son, in my dream, went out of the house. Realizing, he was missing, I went off to look for him, asking my neighbors nearby. One neighbor told me that he saw the boy crossed the street to go to a house of a friend. I had mixed feelings wrapped with worry, fear, and irritation. And I remember saying these words, “ang tigas talaga ng ulo ng batang ito, mas matigas pa ang ulo kaysa sa’kin.” It is this dream I where I get to see myself as a parent, and how a parent I could be.

Now, given this fantasy, what if someone were to offer me a choice: whether to have a child without any effort on my part to always and automatically do exactly what I want him to do or to be; or to have a child in a normal fashion, having a will of his own, resisting my wishes, and even acting against his own best interest; I would definitely take the latter.

To a greater extent, I believe in Hartshorne’s Process God considering all the merits I have previously mentioned. My only reservation is about His intervention. While moral persuasion is more admirable than force, I still feel God’s shortness in this kind of intervention. And so I strongly ask, “could He not do something more?” While we put into question the relevance of petition prayer in classical theism from the fact that everything has already been decreed, the same is true in process theism, from the fact that God could not do anything in the affairs of me given the circumstance of man’s freedom which he highly value.

But, I firmly believe that God, given his Divine wisdom, can intervene at the most appropriate and favorable time. Such is the affirmation of my vocation, that without God’s intervention and preparation of the path towards this vocation, I would not be currently following Him. What He did is not just persuasion. He intervened, He provided and He prepared the necessary arsenals He thinks that I would be needing, while He would await for my free response to His invitation to follow Him. I believe in His providence which is taken not in the sense of a Divine plan, but the very action of God in the world. Supernaturally speaking, I would consider God as the source of grace, and that He would pour grace upon grace in response to His loved one who prays and seeks for help. And even if he would not seek for help, God continues to pour upon His abounding graces.

From my previous illustration,I, as a parent, would not only serve as a guide or a cheerleader to my child. I would definitely do something other than persuading. I would invest a great deal of effort in his education, with good hopes to be sure, but without any advance of guaranteed success. For I know that it would really be up to him, according to what he freely chooses. And there is the risk, indeed, in the certainty that my child will choose otherwise, he may inflict on me considerable pain and suffering, as I strive to help him all that he can be and even ought to be. But I would never run out of actions to raise him loved and loving. As a parent, I believe, God is much wiser and greater than any other.

Indeed, God values and respects our freedom. But that doesn’t stop Him from caring and providing. All these because He loves us

dad? who? me?

2008-02-24T17:56:00.001+08:00

two nights have passed since i had this dream. it came so strongly that i couldn't keep myself from pondering about it. still, the meaning remains a mystery as i remained perplexed about the subconscious event which is contrary to the path i now tread.

from what i recall, i was in an unfamiliar house. i was sitting on the floor by a glass table. On top of it are kiddie booklets and puzzles. i was holding a cup of melting ice cream and a teaspoon. i was feeding a boy-toddler who was about three years of age. the boy was running about and around the living room area of the house. it seemed i was feeding the boy with ice cream. as it turn out, i began to realize that the boy is my son. i patiently ran after him and fed him a teaspoonful of ice cream. i had that feeling of enjoyment in what i was doing.

the dream shifted so fast, or perhaps there are little details that i may have missed and have forgotten. i shifted to a particular scene when i was looking for my son whose presence was not felt at home. i searched for him in nearby houses and asked some of my neighbors. (the boy had a name in my dream, but i could not remember if it was james or jay). one woman told me that she saw him ran and crossed the street to go to the house of ron. i have no clue why he is included in my dream and how did we get to be neighbors. i was having a mixed feeling of fear, worry, disgust, irritation and impatience. i rememer myself saying, "ang tigas ng ulo ng batang iyan. mas matigas pa ang ulo kaysa sa'kin." blackout. i don't recall what happens next.

the dream came so strongly. i really like the feeling of being a dad.i realize the difficulty and the responsibility it would entail, but i feel that i am open to embrace all that. is this a deep and suppressed longing? could it be a sign that i am meant to be in this kind of life?

i have narrated this dream to my rector and my confreres at breakfast table the following morning, and they all agreed that these are just projection of myself and my issues. they say that all the characters of a dream are different projections of the dreamer. perhaps, that was my journey to my inner child. or perhaps it was just a product of random thoughts that freely appeared before my mind in my sleep.

it's not really that strange that the boy looked just like me... (that has to be obvious, since i am the father). i checked out my photo album yesterday and, surprisingly, i saw the boy in my dream who looked like this boy:

it was my photo when i was three years of age.

one-half (joke)

2008-02-23T17:44:00.000+08:00

"Jokes are half-meant," they say.
Let's see how "meant" are these.
If you have the grasp of the current political situation,
you would understand.

Lozada: 1/2 Intsik and 1/2 Pinoy

Apostol: 1/2 Pinoy and 1/2 Bulol

Joker Arroyo: 1/2 Pinoy and 1/2 Pikon

Santiago: 1/2 Pinay and 1/2 Buang

Enrile: 1/2 GMA and 1/2 Erap

Neri: 1/2 Pinoy and 1/2 Pinay

Gonzales: 1/2 Pinoy and 1/2 Linta

Razon: 1/2 Pinoy and 1/2 Patola

Donald Dee: 1/2 Intsik and 1/2 Traydor

FG: 1/2 Pork and 1/2 Buwaya

GMA: 1/2 Lang

tales about the coffee

2008-02-22T17:25:00.001+08:00

i am amused and overwelmed how this coffee theme get to be associated with me especially on the occasion of my birthday. please allow me to explain.

it all started during christmas vacation, when eson fell in love with a koreanovela that prompted him to buy a dvd for the complete season of "coffee prince." he narrated to us the sleepless nights he endured just to finish the series before coming back to the seminary last january.

i would attest that he really fell in love with the story (in the minimal sense) that he would keep on narrating the synopsis and almost the whole plot of the story. one sunday, he brought the dvd to the seminary.

another significant incident leading to this was that "blessing" when our bro. gene had an appendectomy. i first volunteered to attend to him at the hospital. eson and i were fighting over the slot of attending to gene for some personal motives. that night was the first time i saw an episode of the coffee prince. and frankly, i really liked it.

after gene's discharge from the hospital, i get to be more curious and i asked eson if we could watch the serie. practically, there were now three of us so engrossed watching the koreanovela, with bro. jm joining and "kilig to the bones". hehehe...

without knowing or intending, the coffee bonded us together... i guess nobody else could relate, perhaps except our cook, since only the three of us have finished the story. and now our mouths are filled with "coffee" both in the literal and figurative sense.

indeed, the coffee prince has brought a lot of positive effects... that would include our inspiration and zeal to study more intensely, more passionately. it served as a break from our intellectual routine -- perhaps a saving grace for keeping our sanity intact.

i don't really drink coffee, but this "coffee prince" made me a regular taker. i am not sure what would be the further consequences of this.

and so, i feel that, when both eson and jm (my groupmates in the human formation tea) organized and prepared my birthday celebration, it's a party for the three of us... hehehe....

i really appreciate and enjoyed the experience of bringing "coffee prince" into the postnovitiate and transforming the refectory into the coffee shop. but what i most value are their translated acts of love and appreciation for my person, which i received as a "sent message" from them.
thanks, guys.

on turning 28

2008-02-20T18:11:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is my birthday. let me correct that. few hours later, i'd be turning 28. recently (if you could call a month ago as that), the actor, heath ledger died at this same age. it confronted me to reflect the series of events for the past 28 years, of how significantly have i been living my life, presuming i would die right now. i wouldn't agree more: i am happy with how i am living my life. and i thank God for this gift and grace.

The Cookie Thief

2008-02-19T17:31:00.000+08:00

I've been collecting poems I think I could use in the future. I've got another one which was read last monday by Fr. Mike in our community mass. I first heard this, not as a poem but as a story, in my first year in the prenovitiate. I felt that our Prefect, then, is directing this to me, given the conflicting situation we were in. I have never forgotten that goodnight talk. I heard that this poem by Valerie Cox was also published as one entry in Canfield's and Hansen's "Chicken Soup for the Soul."

Bottomline: Don't Immediately Judge!

A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shops.
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be.
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.

So she munched the cookies and watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye."

With each cookie she took, he took one too,
When only one was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half, as he ate the other,
She snatched it from him and thought... oooh, brother.
This guy has some nerve and he's also rude,
Why he didn't even show any gratitude!

She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.

She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat,
Then she sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.

If mine are here, she moaned in despair,
The others were his, and he tried to share.
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.

How many times in our lives,
have we absolutely known
that something was a certain way,
only to discover later that
what we believed to be true ... was not?

Kawawang Magulang (a repost)

2008-02-15T16:44:00.001+08:00

This entry has been circulating the net for two years, yet it is good to reflect this sad "exaggerated" reality. In little ways it's true for young people. I'm posting and saving this for future use.

Dear Anak,

Naipadala ko na yung 50 thousand pesos na tuition fee mo. Pinagbili na namin ang mga kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng kursong COUNTER STRIKE. Wala na din pala tayong baboy naibenta na din para dun sa sinasabi mo na project nyo na NOKIA N75. Ang mahal naman ng project na yun. kasama din ang 7 thousand dun para sa field trip nyo sa MALL OF ASIA. Anak malayo ba yun? Mag-ingat ka sa pagbibiyahe mo.

Isasanla pala namin ang palayan natin para mabili mo na yung instrumentong I-POD na kinakailangan mo sa laboratory nyo.

Anak, komportable ka ba dyan sa boarding house mo, saan ba kamo yan sa VICTORIA COURT? Maganda ba dyan? Di ba mainit dyan?

Anak, kamusta na pala yung group project nyo na SAN MIG LIGHT? Napailaw nyo na ba? Mataas ba nakuha nyo na grado dun?

Anak sana bago pa maubos ang lahat-lahat ng ari-arian natin ay maka-gradweyt kana. Walong taon ba talaga ang kurso mo sa SECRETARIAL? Sana pag gradweyt mo makakuha ka ng trabaho kaagad kagaya ng manager ng kumpanya para mabawi natin ang mga ari-arian natin sa sanglaan.

Ay syanga pala anak diba sabi mo sa JOLLIBEE / MAK DONALD ka palagi kumakain? ok ba naman sa yo ang mga ulam dyan? Baka hindi masarap kawawa ka naman.

Eh yung school bus nyo na TAXI sabihin mo sa driver mag ingat sya sa pagdri-drive.

Anak hanggang dito na lang at sa susunod ay ipapadala ko sayo ang pera na pambili mo ng ALTIS na gagamitin mo sa VACANT SUBJECT mo.

Ang nagmamahal,

Itang at Inang

P.S. Anak mag aral kang mabuti. Ingatan mo katawan mo. Huwag ka muna mag-aasawa. Ikaw lang ang pag-asa namin para mahango tayo sa kahirapan.

clogged

2008-02-14T17:37:00.001+08:00

the thought of it makes me so restless.
i could not resist myself removing the dirt.
and i could not simply let it stay overnight.
and while i keep on the sight,
i find it ever more horrid.

i don't want to do this,
but i've got to force it down
in order to flush it out
and drain it
with a plumber's friend.
.

lies, lies, lies and more lies...

2008-02-11T17:54:00.000+08:00

i was practically hooked on tv watching the senate investigation hearing on the abduction of lozada. it is a case on resolving whether he was really abducted or he was just being protected by the administration from "threats". i may not have watched the entirety of the hearing, but i have heard testimonies from both camps. each one claiming the truth of one matter. one word against the other. yet, truth could only be one. and clearly, lies could not but surface in the face of truth.

i was reminded of a verse in sir walter scott's "marmion:"

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice we deceive."

a single lie would eventually end up into a hegemonic complex of lies, creating a pseudo-reality to replace that which is true. soon enough, one could not even contain and control this monster he created.

as history unfolds itself, we find ourselves into the realization how we have been allowing ourselves to live in a time-space warp -- a world full of lies and distorted facts. just when do we act to say enough is enough? or should we stay quiet and "unbothered" by the illusions that swirl around us since we are used to this discomfort?

lies, lies, lies, no more lies...
the people, for a long time, deserve to know the truth, freely, unhindered, undistorted.
the more we hide and delay the truth, the more painful it is to strike us in retribution. let not the truth blow out of proportion.

How to Save a Life

2008-02-10T07:35:00.000+08:00

iLove this song...
iLove this video...

...and I could resonate.

you've been wanting to help somebody,
yet, you just don't know how:

"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness, And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life."

Fray How To Save A Life Lyrics

Thoughts from Grandma's Funeral: From a Superstitious Fear of Life To a Hope-"Full" Living

2008-01-27T04:20:00.000+08:00

i have been out from the community for two days to attend to the wake and funeral of my grandmother at pampanga. i was overwhelmed by the fidelity of our old folks to superstitious beliefs as regards the cult of the dead. no matter how i try to dissuade them, it would all end into following what has been the "practice."

in these short days, i could only remember these superstitious encounters:

no family member of the deceased should take a bath in the duration of the wake, especially at that very house where the wake was held. (i could not believe that some of my relatives haven't taken their bath for 7 days)
no family member of the deceased should accompany a visiting friend to leave the house. ("this is to avoid the chain of death from occurring.")
for the same reason mentioned, no visiting friend should take home anything (food, candies, material things, etc), taken from the house where the wake is held.
thou shalt attend to the deceased 24/7. of course, family members may take turns, while others would sleep.
i do not know for what reason, no family member should iron their clothes nor have their clothes ironed, at least, in the duration of the wake.
rotate the coffin before bringing it out from the house ("so that the dead my be disoriented and never come back.")
close all the windows and the doors of the house right after the coffin (the deceased) is brought out of the house.
together with the coffin, all the things that were used during the wake should be brought out of the house.
the coffin (deceased) should never retrace the same path it went through
break the rosary and "you break the chain of death."
all little children should go over the coffin "that the deceased may not visit them."
while the coffin is being lowered, i heard a man murmuring in kapampangan, "you you have finished your journey, please send me your good fortune as i would need it.i promise you that i would pray for you for as long as i live."

there are a lot more, i think. these things caught my attention as i shook my head in exasperation. it's too hard to break an old tradition that our old folks have held on for many years.

reflecting on this moved me to realize the motive behind their "practice." people hold onto the superstitious beliefs, perhaps because they are to afraid to die. our blind necessity to follow them simply reflects how weak our faith and hope in God.

although i may have already learned this through catechesis, this experiences have all the more confirmed it. i get to all the more appreciate God's wisdom and love for giving us our freedom to run our lives and His grace to live it in its fullness.

when the remains of my grandmother has finally been laid to rest, i heard my uncle say in the vernacular, "she's done, and i'm not yet."

it's a profound thought to bring, "she's done, and i'm not yet." i find this not simply about reaching the end, or finishing the race as st. paul would say, it's about how we finish well and live life fully as we take all the good opportunities to better ourselves, to bring ourselves to perfection which God has wrought for us.

My God is Weak

2008-01-23T17:21:00.000+08:00

Have you always thought of God as "Almighty"?
Here is another way of looking at God:

Ang Diyos ko'y hindi isang Diyos na matigas ang loob,
mahirap lapitan, walang pakiramdam, hindi tinatablan, di marunong masaktan.

Ang Diyos ko'y mahina.
Kalahi ko lang siya. At kalahi niya ako.
Tao siya at ako naman ay halos Diyos na.
Minamahal niya ako kahit ako'y abo at alabok lamang para naman makatikim ako ng kabanalan.

Pag-ibig ang nagpapahina sa Diyos ko.
Nararanasan ng Diyos ko ang makataong saya, ang pakikipagkaibigan, ang sarap na dulot ng daigdig at lahat ng nasa daigdig.
Nararanasan din niyang magutom, mapagod, antukin. Nadama niya ang maraming bagay.
Nainis din siya at nagalit.
Banayad siya tulad ng isang bata.
Ang Diyos ko'y natakot din sa harap ng kamatayan.
Ang Diyos ko'y pinasuso ng kanyang ina at sa gayo'y nadama niya at nainom ang buong pggiliw ng isang babae.

Hindi naman niya talaga ginusto ang sakit at hindi rin siya naging kaibigan ng karamdaman.
Kaya nga pinagaling niya ang mga maysakit.
Nagtiis din siyang mapatapon sa ibang lupain.
Minsang usigin, minsan purihin.

Minahal ng Diyos ko ang lahat ng makatao: mga bagay at tao, tinapay at pagkababae, ang mabubuti at pati masasama.
Ang Diyos ko'y nakakagat sa kanyang panahon.
Kung ano ang damit ng iba, siya ring damit niya. Ang ginamit niyang wika ay wikang katutubo, ang wika ng kanyang bayan.
Nagpawis din siya at nagbanat-ng-buto.
At sumigaw siya tulad ng mga propeta.
Ang Diyos ko'y mahina kapag kaharap ay mahina, at mabagsik naman sa mga palalo.

Bata pa siya nang mamatay pagkat siya'y tapat.
Pinatay nila siya sapagkat, sa kanilang paningin, itinatakwil niya ang katotohanan.
Subalit ang Diyos ko'y namatay nang walang kinamumuhian.
Nang mamatay siya, siya pa mismo ang gumawa pa ng palusot para sa pumatay sa kanya. At lampas pa ito sa pagpapatawad.

Ang Diyos ko'y mahina.
Sinira ng Diyos ko ang matandang patakarang "ngipin sa ngipin", ang paghihiganting may kakitiran ng isip, upang simulan ang panahon ng pag-ibig at ng isang bagong himagsikan.

Ang Diyos ko, kahit na siya'y inilugmok sa lupa, subsob ang mukha, itinatwa, pinabayaan, walang nakaunawa, ay patuloy pa ring umibig.

Kaya nalupig ng Diyos ko ang kamatayan.
At sumibol mula sa kanyang mga kamay ang isang bagong bulaklak-- ang muling pagkabuhay!
Kaya't lahat tayo'y bumabangon mula sa ating libingan--lahat-- tao ma't mga bagay.

Ang daming mga taong nahihirapang tumanggap sa Diyos long mahina, sa Diyos kong umiiyak, sa Diyos kong ayaw ipagtanggol ang kanyang sarili!
Hirap silang tanggapin ang Diyos kong pinabayaan ng Diyos.
Ang Diyos kong kailangang mamatay upang magtagumpay.
Ang Diyos kong humirang sa isang magnanakaw at kriminal bilang unang santo ng kanyang Simbahan.
Ang bata kong Diyos na pinagbintangang nanggugulo ng lipunan.
Ang Diyos kong siyang pari at propeta na namatay na biktima ng lahat ng nakakahiyang pag-uusig ng relihiyon sa buong kasaysayan.

Mahirap tanggapin ang Diyos ko, ang kaibigan ng buhay, ang Diyos kong nagdusa sa tinik ng tukso, ang Diyos kong nagpawis ng dugo bago maako ang kalooban ng Ama.

Ang Diyos na ito, ang mahinang Diyos kong ito ay talagang mahirap matanggap ng mga naniniwalang ang tagumpay ay nasa pananakop,
na ang pagtatanggol sa sarili ay nasa pagpatay sa kapwa,
na ang kaligtasan ay nakasalalay sa lakas at hindi isang biyaya lamang mula sa itaas,
na ang kahinaan bilang tao ay makasalanan,
para sa nag-aakalang ang pagpapakabanal ay pamamanhid ng pakiramdam.

Ang Diyos kong mahina ay talagang mahirap matanggap ng mga taong patuloy pa ring nangangarap tungkol sa isang Diyos na tila hindi tao.

I first heard of this article in our class in Process Thought. It was translated by the Jesuit Albert Alejo from Juan Arias' "My God is Weak." I'm still looking for that English translation.

The bottom line is that God LOVES. I would rather conceive of God as this than an indifferent God. We have been polarized into thinking that God as omnipotent cannot be affected by us. No lover is unaffected to and by the beloved. This sort of weakness is not really something negative, something against his perfection. This weakness does not decrease his value as God. This weakness, in fact, increases us... all because He loves us. Nothing is ever so consoling than this.

I have heard of Juan Arias' book The God I Don't Believe In which I found to be intriguing after reading a portion of his work. This moves me to avail of me this literary piece. Juan Arias is quoted to having said this:

“No, I shall never believe in:
the God who catches man by surprise in a sin of weakness,
the God who condemns material things,
the God who loves pain,
the God who flashes a red light against human joys,
the God who is a magician and sorcerer,
the God who makes Himself feared,
the judge-God who can give a verdict only with a rule book in His hands,
the God who ‘plays at’ condemning,
the God who ‘sends’ people to hell,
the God who ‘causes’ cancer or ‘makes’ a woman sterile,
the God who is not love and who does not know how to transform into love everything He touches.
Yes, my God, is the other God.”

While others would resent and remark that:
"who the hell told you that this is the kind of God I believe in?"
It simply emphasizes the fact that God above all loves and that He is LOVE Himself.

Is God Almighty? I believe He is. No mightier and greater love there is than a love that is so weak in the face of the beloved.

Who am I?

2008-01-18T18:42:00.000+08:00

I'd like to begin this critique on Hartshorne’s Event-Metaphysics with a poem written by a certain Dietrich Bon Hoeffer. He was a young theologian of great promise and was martyred by the Nazis for his participation in the plot against the life of Adolf Hitler.

Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,

As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woe-begone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!
(March 4,1946)

While this man languishes inside the prison as he awaits his execution, he significantly asks a very profound and philosophical question, a question worth pondering for us all, a question that could lead us to the truth of ourselves.

If so I ask, who am I? Am I defined by my size and shape and color and weight? Am I defined by my clothes I wear? Not any accidents could ever define who I am. Classical Thomists would simply refer to me as ME, as simply ME. A substance. A particular individual substance. Rusty as he is. The problem here is that I could not fully grasp or understand myself as I in this regard. I could not fully grasp or understand Rusty, that particular individual substance as to who am I really. And if we refer to this, how could we ever answer that question, who am I? Who am I, then? Rusty? The substance Rusty? How could we ever explain that? I agree with Charles Hartshorne as to how Classical Thomism falls short in resorting to “substance” especially in response to this question, as a basic unit of reality.

But if Hartshorne, on the other hand, were to answer the question, who am I? Am I the person who entered the seminary at the age of 22? Who extended the novitiate? Who had his prophylaxis last Saturday? Who slept late last night? Who just read you the poem of Hoeffer? Am I who experienced all these? Hartshorne would bet that I am? But am I just simply a collection of events? Hartshorne, as I would interpret him, would say no as he would claim the “I” undergoing all these series of events which is not equated with the collection of events. Still, the question “who am I?” remains to be a mystery.

Who am I? This question recognizes the existence and the validity of the SUBJECT, that which both camps do not deny. Classical Thomism would view this SUBJECT as something subsisting, persisting, possessing a static nature, while Hartshorne would view the SUBJECT as going through experiences and events and being understood as something dynamic. Nevertheless, in the Classical Thomistic mind, this SUBJECT is essentially a substance, which I know the Hartshornean mind would not accept for it is not properly the case.

But that the SUBJECT that is going through a series of events that merely speak of who I am NOW is what I believe and hold onto. This is my position. And so who am I? Who is Rusty? I’m not limited to something, to my substance or to an event, nor am I limited to all my experiences as of yesterday. I am more than that… NOW! I exist. I am… and I am constantly changing and growing and creating and becoming. And so I feel that no one has the right to judge me, to have prejudices against me, to put me in a box. It is not about that I am consistent or not about something, I simply “become” everyday. Everyday the ME gets better and better, being shaped by experiences and events. For this reason, I do not believe that persons are born “worthless.” They are as significant as any person living right now.

The “I” that goes through events is seen in a man endowed with freedom. I agree with the both camps. Freedom is not only voluntariness or an act of indifference according to the Classical Thomists. But also, in the full sense, freedom is creativity according to Hartshorne. Yet, however, this freedom for Hartshorne is also extended to the other creatures below man. Not the rocks, he would say, but the molecules or sub-atomic particles that has the tendency to at times break from the natural flow or cycle of determination. While that may be true, the natural movement or law remains. And to press further, I would argue that even animals and human beings are made up of atoms and sub-atomic particles. Even a strand of our hair and a dead skin cell may contain these. Thus, it would then appear that we and the world are replete of this “freedom.” Consequently, I feel that this would tend to reduce “freedom” into simply a break from routine and lose that what Hartshorne claims as “creative freedom” which is freedom in the full sense that undoubtedly, the human being could properly exercise.

Yet, I believe that reality is indeed a social process. It doesn’t have for lower creatures to possess that freedom for all beings to interact. I still hold the causality of nature and the creative freedom of man as sufficient to explain this interconnectedness. Yet I believe that nature is part of the social process, such that according to the Chaos theory, a flutter of butterfly could cause a tornado in one part of the world. Everything is seen as interconnected. And we human beings play a very significant and primary role in this interconnectedness. Yet, what needs to be highlighted in this interconnectedness is that human being encounters. Consequently, the human being undergoes events and experiences. Thus we say that every human being has a story to tell that is in connection with the story of others or even the story of the things and nature he so encounters.

To sum up all these, I mostly agree with Hartshorne in his view of man as a process and in-process, a subject undergoing events in creative freedom who eventually, grows, creates, and becomes something “more.” Man is also in process with others and things in nature in his encounter and experience with them. It’s not necessary for created beings below man to possess creative freedom themselves to participate in the social process, for their existence, causality and our experience with them suffice in order to be part of that social process, yet man is the key player of that social process in the sense that he makes up the ‘career’ or ‘history’ in a state of continuing becoming, confronted by that basic question posed by Hoeffer, “who am I?” Who knows? In the end, we might end up agreeing with him:

“Whoever I am, You know, 0 God, that I am Yours!”

Updates

2008-01-14T18:15:00.000+08:00

ON MY FIRST OBEDIENCE

January 11, 2007 (Friday). I received my first obedience from our Provincial Superior. Anxiety mixed with anticipation consumed me as I await the “verdict.” Pondering on these feelings more deeply, it reveals a struggle against obedience, the traces of wanting to be in control when obedience would rather ask for a surrender of the will. Yet, I am happy and satisfied with the obedience I received. I wonder how it is, if it were otherwise.

PREPARING FOR THE UNIVERSA

There are six treatises and sixty theses to commit to memory, not including the comprehensive interconnectedness of one thought after the other, as well as the synthesis of each treatise and the entire Thomistic philosophy. There are six weeks or forty-five days more to go before the day of reckoning. Yet, I still don’t feel the pressure that much, although I have been diligently studying these past few days upon return from vacation. I am so fired up probably due to the good news of my obedience. Our Postnovitiate motto has now a face: Pro vobis studeo.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Recently I have been asking permission to extend for my studies at night. My mind works efficiently at this time. Yet, I got a warning from our rector if my morning meditation would suffer, it would be the end of late night study extensions. But I don’t really see that my meditation would be a problem. I don’t sleep during this time as I value this moment with the Lord. With this development, I think that somebody would be paying a closer eye at me, hehehe… My daily sleep in the average for past few days is six hours. I hope this is still healthy. :-)

How Do You Spend Your Dash?

2008-01-14T03:27:00.000+08:00

I got inspired by this poem. I first encountered this in one of our class in Charles Hartshorne’s Process Thought emphasizing the “lived experience” itself, the life journey, the life process as most significant in the person. This is but a call and a challenge to live and love NOW while one still can.

THE DASH

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years (1940–1996)

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

inconsistencies

2007-12-11T05:51:00.000+08:00

one time we decide on doing things this way,
and the next series we might come out deviating,
or totally changing,
or worse,
contradicting the initial act.

i have committed myself into a resolution which i have pondered on and reflected for so long. it took me pains and tears to finally accept this decision, yet in a stroke of a finger, i have to reconsider. this is another inconsistency i am acknowledging. it is an inconsistency i had to embrace. many get to be criticized for the inconsistencies of their actions... they may have a valid point.

strange, that what is so consistent in me is my being so inconsistent... for reasons that are valid for me, which are not necessarily valid for others.

i hope i don't sound to be defensive, or justifying or rationalizing....
while it pains not to be consistent,
this is but an embrace of suffering,
a suffering meant to be offered,
an offering meant to transcend,
a transcendence meant to give meaning of what is and what is not,
-- a meaning meant for me,
for only God and I could both understand.

Have You Had Any Complaints Lately?

2007-12-07T05:50:00.000+08:00

I did have... until I've read this...

We get to realize then that we tend to focus on our pain that we forget or we neglect to realize all the graces and blessings that we are now reaping.

Lord, this is really embarassing... after all these realizations... and I cannot but praise and give you thanks. Amen. +

sad :-(

2007-11-12T12:55:00.000+08:00

a voice within is whining...

i really can't stand it.
who would ever want a divided a house?
i have been a transparent person and i still am.
i speak my mind and my heart,
and i believe no other way to improve situations, but this.
God knows how sincere my heart is.
and what do i get?
to be labeled as a CRITIC, as an OPPOSITION.
this is sad.... really, really sad.

yet, life is not always green and blue.
not all paths are straight and smooth.

Lord, just help me to bear.