Wednesday, December 17, 2008

mr. bean -- the best nativity story ever told

this is so hilarious!

am so excited for christmas. really wish that i may go home to join my family this christmas eve. hoping. praying.

merry christmas, everyone!


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Saturday, December 13, 2008

somewhere i have never travelled


edward estlin cumming's poetry fascinates me. to analyze his poem as they say is sacrilege; the depth of meaning, the profound use of imagery, the uniquely mysterious figurative language. yet somehow, somewhere along his words, you'll be captured by their meaning. his poems, especially this one, reveals feelings unconcealed.

i first encountered this poem when i was about six or seven years old. my dad used to play his favorite song "the first time i loved forever." it was there when i first heard the cumming poem. three stanzas of ee cumming's poem are spliced and spread throughout the soung; made the song, however, more appealing.

although this literary piece, as shared by many, is understood as a love poem, it however suggests a more transcendent slant for me. love, after all, is a transcendent reality.

somewhere i have never travelled (by ee cummings)

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands

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Tuesday, December 09, 2008

twists in heroes

heroes season 3 episodes reveals a big surprise!

imagine this: sylar becomes the good guy while peter petrelli embraces the dark side. how could a murderous, megalomaniac monster become a hero, while a compassionate, self-sacrificing lad turn out to be the enemy? with these twists and turns, the overlapping events from different timelines engage me to anticipate episode after episode of this series.

yet, the lessons are clear. no man is born evil. a person who is bad now is not determined to be bad forever, inasmuch as we cannot expect a good person to stay good always. we can't be too quick to judge.

i got fascinated with sylar's and peter's character development. what made sylar to be the villain is his tremendous hunger or urges to know more, to learn more and to have more power. to attain this, he easily gives in through a quick fix of murderous intent, slaying one superpower individual after learning and taking their abilities. eventually, this same insatiable hunger or urges is acquired by peter petrelli, and he now tread the same path sylar took. while sylar takes a huge amount of struggle to control these urges, peter petrelli allows this as a personal instinct.

our hunger or urges to know more, to learn more and to have more power exhibits our inclination to sin. it is this stuff that makes us evil.

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Monday, December 01, 2008

soliciting for prayers

while many discount the value and validity of prayers, i beg to differ. in this pragmatic and positivist world, i am a firm believer that prayers do wonders and miracles do happen.

i recently received an email from my best friend. as young as 28 years, he will be undergoing an open heart surgery -- an aortic valve replacement this thursday. for a long time we have spent time together, it has come to my knowledge that he was born with a punctured heart, got hospitalized and almost operated when he was so young, but by the stroke of miracle and God's grace, he recovered. yet, eventually, it developed into a heart enlargement. he had to be operated as soon as possible before it's too late.

inasmuch as i am not in a position to help him financially, i could only help through my prayers. and so i ask and beg you to join me in my prayers, for a successful operation and speedy recovery of my brother.

the letter he sent me, i fear, seem to appear like a goodbye and thank you letter... in faith, i pray, that won't be so:

everynight i always read books to my kids or tell them stories before we go to
sleep. they love the stories of 3 lil pigs, lil match girl or cinderella. They
also like the stories i create on my own that always starts with.."isang araw
may bata...". sometimes this stories comes out with two characters,white angels
and black angels. my kids know that whenever they do something good it
strengthens their white angels and vice versa happens if they do something
bad.they dont want their black angels to grow bigger than them so they will
behave for quite a while. everynight they pray that their white angels will
watch over them.sometimes whenever they're scared to sleep on their own i tell
them that me and their mom is their visible white angels who watches them as
they sleep at night. they have lots of questions bout their black and white
angels. how big is their wings? do they have swords? etc... this is our nightly
routine.
then sometime this august-ocotber im having a hard time talking and my heart
beat is really weird. if the hearts regular rythm goes "lub-dub", mine goes
with the rythm of britney spears "hit me baby one more time"song. this prevents
me from doing our nightly routines for sometime. fortunately mhy got our
fortune cards...this allowed me to have myself checked up and covered one of
the most costly diagnostic test which is the 2D echocardiogram with color
doppler...cost here in tarlac is 3700. fortunecare took care of it so i didnt
pay for anything. then the result came out telling me that my heart is so huge
and that my aorta needs replacement or else my heart will soon stop beating if
i just let it continue dance with britney's song.
the doctor told me and mhy that it will cost me 700k to have this procedure,
aortic valve replacement(AVR). and that its a risky procedure because its open
heart surgery. whats worse is that i need to have it asap because i only have 2
to 3 years. we got scared...we were refered to phil. heart ctr to have a second
look at the case and same conclusions but shorter life span...from 2 years to
"anytime soon". and we checked the cost of their cheapest AVR
package...478,000. they have charity rates though but we need to wait for
months to have myself screened by doctors, be categorized to which bracket we
belong (like STFAP of UP) then we will be included to the long lines of
patients who need heart surgery. at that time i cant hardly talk and walk
because my hands and feet are getting numb. i sometimes feel that im going to
faint. i just keep it to myslef, kasi mhy is more manerbyos than me
sometimes.hehe i told mhy that we cannot afford the 470k surgery.i feel that
i'll die before this year ends and its impossible for us to raise 470k. i am
hopeless but she pushed me to have faith.
i tried to look for foundations or orgs here and abroad to help me get the
surgery for free. i received responses from foundations in US, Ireland,
Australia, Jamaica and others telling me the same thing..that they cant do the
surgery because its not a new procedure anymore and that its being done here in
the phil..And we have lots of pinoy doctors who are experts on this field
already.
this news plus the physical pain im experiencing and the emotional pain that i
cannot do the usual things i do like playing with the kids, reading etc and the
fact that you'll soon leave your family devastated me.mhy pushes me to pray
hard but its hard to concentrate if you have lotsof things going around your
mind.
i will miss my kids. i love them so much. its really hard to pretend to people
that you're strong and that for you its ok when deep nside you you feel the
weakness running through your veins.our nightly routine of story telling became
a struggle for me. it pains me when they want me to read 3 lil pigs. when they
want to know how their angels are. who is bigger white or black. the kids even
told me that when i die they will bring me water and candles everyday. my
daughter even asked me what color of cemetery i want...blue or green...she said
green na lang.miggy will scold alex and tell her wag mo nga sabihin yan and he
looks very sad. i cant hide it from miggy anymore. he knows whats happening.i
sometimes think that he feels what i feel.i dont know if he can see me cry at
night. its very depressing and it hurts a lot. my mom my white angel is not
here with me. she wants to but i asked her htat it will be good for the family
if she will stay with my sister and watch over her daughters.
with lil faith and deteriorating health,i tried once more to hope. mhys brother
told us to check out PGH. we went through another chsapter until we end up with
an amount that we need to raise to have the operation scheduled. At first its
150,000(doctors estimate) 221,103 (PGH quotation). i informed my bros and
sis...they all filed for loans and asked help from their friends. i tried to
seek help from some of my friends too thru texting since im having a hard time
talking. i texted ate myra, aris, ate juds and ate ghie. mmhy texted nei. after
a few hours i received a call from a friend in bacolod then a text from bohol
and friends in manila. classmates from high school texted, emailed and called
as well. after a few days,im getting calls from australia, email and text from
thailand and God knows where else. My sisters and brothers efforts came out
with almost 100k...SCAP called me and gave me something which helped me
realized that i dont need to wallow with my depression.made me realize that the
angel stories i tell my kids about is not just stories, it can happen for real.
the org i served, loved and treated as family helped fired up the small hope i
didnt know i still have inside. i was able to reach 150k from help coming from
my friends and family. then PGH told me that the surgeons looked at my lab
results and they said that i also need to have my mitral valve repair. and
almost peed on my pants when the doctor told me that i needed to raise 270k to
have my heart fixed.i felt that the wait of "2 years" to "anytime soon"is NOW.i
palpitated.even if im taking medicines with dosages of people aged 50 to 60 it
didnt take its effect at that moment.i go around the house walking and worrying
where to get another 120k plus. (mhy is at my back following me telling me to
relax stay calm etc.)
then my bros and sisters friends,some relatives and family friends contributed
to my fund raising efforts. others gave us interest free payable when able
utangs...one deep breathe and miracle is happening again.
today,december 1, me and mhy will go to PGH again so i can be admitted and
hopefully get the surgery i need by thursday or friday.
after all the hassles and depressing moments finally i will have the surgery.
this is not just for me but for my kids that i just cant leave behind.
i realized that there are situations that makes us weaker...depressed and
down.we easily lose hope when we ask for things and He cant give it to us at
that very moment. this weakness when you let it sink deeply to yourself will
make you blind with the life that still goes on around you. it prevents you to
see hope from the visit of friends at your house, to smile when two of your
closest friends compete to get the attention of your kids by bringing ice
creams...to let the messages from friends calm you down...to see miracles
happening in front of you.
Mhy said before we slept last night that what happened to us is a miracle. we
thought we cant raise the amount but we were able to almost reach it. we
thought we cannot get a schedule this year because of the long lines at PGh but
we have it now.
I will not have this surgery without my family, my friends, my SCA...my white
angels. the angel story i tell my kids about happened to me. i saw my white
angels appeared to me. they visited me here at home...they texted me...they
sent me financial help..they gave me hope.
im scared to have my chest cut into two...im scared of what will happen to me
this week...im scared to feel the pain after i wake up from surgery...but with
the love and support from my white angels and my kids im sure i can get over
this...I prayed yesterday in Manaoag,i offered myself to Him. I told Him that
whatever his plan for me is i will accept it wholeheartedly.i somehow prepared
myslef in case He wants me to do something else for him.
I just want to ask one more thing from you guys...Please be my wife and my kids
white angels...give them the strength you gave me. Show them the love you
showed me. give them ice cream to calm them down.im sure theyre scared too...im
sure theyre worried like me...they just pretend that its ok but i know theyre
worried.
this week we will see another miracle to unfold...and before that let me thank
you for the kindness, love and friendship.i will be your white angel too...and
thank you for giving me the opportunity to have the surgery...in the next
months i can read 3 lil pigs, cinderella and lil match girl to my kids
again.thank you for letting me tell the story of white and black angels to my
kids again...soon...
thank you.

About me

brodiz

Location:
Calamba, Laguna, Philippines

I am a pilgrim by life's occupation, an accountant by bachelor's degree, a TarlaqueƱo by place of birth, a Salesian by specific vocation, a teacher by profession, a student by formation, a writer by passion, a youth minister by life's mission, a son of God... My Philosophy of Life: "To be is to become" "To be is to hope"

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